Steve, I like the way PH is handling his sitch because I am doing the exact same thing.
He got the cake idea from your Betty Crocker comment. Just tell him in plain English what you want to say because I can't figure it out either.
It's in limbo because they can drop the D paper work on you at any time and there doesn't seem to be any movement in the R. Each person must decide if they are in limbo or not and how long they want to stay there. For me, it wasn't long.
Setting them free or letting them go out into the world with their big girl panties on is the only thing that will free them to make their own decision. Whether that means a D or not is up to those in the M. But a D does not always mean the end and sometimes we have to get on with our lives no matter what we want or would like to happen.
Last edited by Chuck66; 08/13/1005:58 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I can wait. I just see so few signs of hope. It's hard to live like this. We're not even friends right now because things are so strained and awkward. More like roommates.
Steve, she's said she needs her space and wants to move out. I know that we've disagreed with each other about how much to put into what a WAS says, but shouldn't I believe her? Or is she testing me, hoping that I'll convince her (by my actions) to stay?
As you can see, I don't know my ass from my elbow right now...
Either believe her and help her out or she is testing you to man up and not wuss out and be all "melty man" clingy. You help her out to pass the non-wuss test. Either way, you are letting them go...in this case, it's literal.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
My DB coach told me a long time ago that if your W has already looked to move out then let her. Don;t try to change her mond.
Instead say: "W I think it is a good idea for you to move out, it will give us BOTH the chance to work on ourselves."
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Question: We are still living together although we don't sleep together. How to detatch when were still in the same house?
Two answers that I would say would work..
1st.... ONE of you has to move. "WS, I have done some thinking and I have decided that this just isn't working out for me. I think we should move toward separating and divorce and I think it would be wise if we start it asap. We have a few issues to work out, but the first one is that I think you should find another place. Maybe move to your moms or your friends or get your own place for now, but I want to separate need some space. I will give you two weeks to find a place and get moved. If you can't get everything moved in two weeks, we can store stuff in the garage for a few more weeks until you get situated." (said firmly, matter of factly an yet cordially.. As if you will even help her by letting her leave stuff at the house for a small period of time...)
If she says she won't move and is firm on not moving...
Then YOU move out. Get your ducks in a row. Staying and living together is a no no when you want to show them you are moving on down the road and letting go.
2nd choice.... Start socially interacting with the oppostie sex and have the time of your life while doing it. Text one of your new social friends day and night and at all hours. Laugh on the phone loudly and deeply while your wife is within hearing distance(usually works best when that social friend just happens to be the opposite sex.. ..ony friends of course ).... all while leaving her alone...
those are the best two options
Just thought I would post Gucci's opinion this to see if it helps you out Pin. Hang in there bud.
Just tell him in plain English what you want to say because I can't figure it out either.
plain english? I want him to answer his own question for himself.
Everyone has a job in life. Mine for many years was explaining the reason for variation. The past year I had an opportunity to teach. Nothing was more discouraging for me then to have a young bright mind ask what does this mean or what is the answer to this. Some things are as easy as looking it up. Others require abit of intuition, questioning and research.
Sometimes when you are "on the fence" you need to ask questions about both sides to determine which one is right. which is what I do best. (like testing a null hypothesis.)
"a '64 Chevy Nova with a 230 straight 6." its meaning to me? Sometimes things that seemed worthless at the time are priceless memories and knowledge.
I want him to answer his own question for himself.
The dark night of the soul.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
SM, I'm a professor at a university and I would have never thought of associating your 64 Nova example as a priceless memory. And if it was clear PH wouldn't have thought it was a riddle.
PH,
You can't really push anyone anyway. Pushing and helping, what's the difference? Bringing up the subject or taking actions to help it along (getting boxes, making arrangememnts) can be considered pushing/helping. It's semantics.
I also have not heard of Gucci's second idea. Since my W and I were both told by our L's not to leave the home come heck or high water (I guess leaving the home where the kids are is not highly looked upon during custody hearings).
Gucci's second idea sounds intriguing. I even have a plan on how to implement.
Last edited by Chuck66; 08/13/1006:40 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
).... all while leaving her alone...