I was doing OK last night. Did some more packing. Had a few moments when packing my wedding china. But got through it.
Then... for some reason... couldn't sleep. I kept waking up. I think I was dreaming. I kept waking up with thoughts of OW. I used to have nightmares about her a lot but that stopped when we were piecing. I don't know why that is happening.
So when my alarm went off this morning, I felt exhausted and emotional. Put more boxes in my car to drop off at my parents after work. Wondering if the neighbours are noticing.... I know that doesn't really matter... but, hey, I am human. The thought crossed my mind... are people going to assume I am "the guilty one" in this M since I am the one moving out? I know I shouldn't let thoughts like that consume me.
It's hard to no longer feel comfortable in my own home. I am in the process of moving, but haven't fully moved yet. I can't settle in my parents' yet because there is a nephew currently in the room I will have and I have to wait for him to move out.
I feel homeless. And I didn't do anything wrong.
Ugh.
I know I need to get my head around all this and shift my perspective.
I am choosing to take control of my own life, because my H is continuing to make choices that are unacceptable to me. I know that moving out of the home with the kids is the best option for me for lots of reasons. But, it is so much harder than I thought it would be. And this "in between" limbo time before I am settled in there is awful.
I need to remember this period of time will not be forever. It will get better.
I am working on finding some GAL plans this weekend. Need to find something fun!
