I agree. Don't acknowledge the anniversary. Last year was my 10th, and I considered making some gesture of achnowledgement, but ended up forgetting about it when it actually arrived. Around 11am I get a text from W saying "I just want you to know today's meaning was not forgotten by me." I was in a good mood that morning, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wish I had just ignored her message, but I responded "Maybe someday I'll tell you what I had planned for this day." Then I was in a down mood for the rest of the day.
My MIL told me later that she stopped by W's house that day, and W was crying.
Didn't really mean anything though, W still maintained her PA until it died six months later.
Never underestimate the selfishness of the wayward spouse. Offer nothing, expect nothing.
