Might have someone putting an offer in on house soon. Will know this weekend or early next week. Been getting a lot of activity on house. I’ve been doing some touch up work/finishing touches to some of the paint, little fixes, etc. to try to get the house perfect. Hopefully we’ll get this offer and sell it.
W and I have been communicating much more the past 2-3 weeks...most we have since S. She emails me back within a half hour, answers my calls, and she has initiated some emails and texts. She puts smiley faces on some of her emails and signs her name with her shorter name that I call her. Everything is still house related but she seems to be much friendlier. Could be just because of the house but who knows? Will know for sure once house is sold.
I only contact her about house related items too, nothing R related. I only contact her when necessary. We had to sign some more papers for the listing and she met me at my game last week to sign. My games are at the same gym we both belong to. She interacted and joked around with my friends like she used to do. I know she could just be putting on a good show with all of this and the nicer contact between us lately to keep things civil selling the house. Like I said, we’ll see what happens once the house sells. Either way I feel good that I have done the right thing with the house and am working very hard to sell it for us. Oh, almost forgot, when she did meet me at my game she told me she would stop by the house and turn on the lights and A/C if we had any showings last Sunday. I had asked her the day before to do this because I had to work all day last Sunday. We didn’t end up having any showings last Sunday but at least she offered.
Our wedding anniversary is Monday. That will be a difficult day. I keep going back and forth whether to acknowledge it or not. My IC said if I do to just send a simple card saying “thinking of you on this day” or just a text or email saying the same. Don’t think I will do either.
Hope everyone is well.
mza8
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Our wedding anniversary is Monday. That will be a difficult day. I keep going back and forth whether to acknowledge it or not. My IC said if I do to just send a simple card saying “thinking of you on this day” or just a text or email saying the same. Don’t think I will do either.
good update. Keep doing what you're doing.... keeping it about the house.
As for:
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Our wedding anniversary is Monday. That will be a difficult day. I keep going back and forth whether to acknowledge it or not. My IC said if I do to just send a simple card saying “thinking of you on this day” or just a text or email saying the same. Don’t think I will do either.
Don't do either.
Do not ruin the progress you have sen thus far.
If she initiate acknowledgement then just respond....Oh hey it would have been.
But I doubt she will bring it up.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I agree. Don't acknowledge the anniversary. Last year was my 10th, and I considered making some gesture of achnowledgement, but ended up forgetting about it when it actually arrived. Around 11am I get a text from W saying "I just want you to know today's meaning was not forgotten by me." I was in a good mood that morning, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wish I had just ignored her message, but I responded "Maybe someday I'll tell you what I had planned for this day." Then I was in a down mood for the rest of the day.
My MIL told me later that she stopped by W's house that day, and W was crying.
Didn't really mean anything though, W still maintained her PA until it died six months later.
Never underestimate the selfishness of the wayward spouse. Offer nothing, expect nothing.
We got an offer on the house but it was a little too low. We countered but it was not accepted. W really wanted to try to make the deal work but it doesn’t look like it will happen with these buyers. W and I talked quite a bit on the phone the past two weeks about the house. If I called she answered most of the time and if I left her a voice mail she returned my call within a ½ hour. She initiated emails too.
Our talks on the phone were good in that we were very nice to each other. I even got her to laugh a couple of times during one of our phone conversations. Haven’t heard her laugh since she left, that was nice to hear again.
She emailed both my email accounts on Friday to ask if I had heard anything about offer for house. I’d say he was curious. We also need to purchase something for the house and she said she would give me the money for it…I didn’t ask, she offered.
I don’t know if some of this recent interaction is good or not. We’ve talked just about every day for the past three weeks (just about house though). For the past week or so I’ve become very angry for some reason. I think it’s for two reasons. First is that I am the only one dealing with the house and for the past two weeks I’m the only one calling the banks to deal with our loans. It's just like the past 2-3 years when I took care of all of the difficult issues and she doesn't help. I’ve done an open house for the past three weekends. That’s fine as it’s part of what I need to do as the agent to sell the house, however I feel like I’m the only one truly making the effort to take care of these things.
Second thing I think I’m angry about is that here we are many months into this and she has made no effort to work on this M. If I had remained the same person I was when she left then this would make sense. This just seems ridiculous at this point that she can’t grow up and talk to me.
I am trying not to show my emotions towards her right now. I’m hoping my anger/resentment passes. I don’t want to say or do something that will set us back. I didn’t respond to her Friday email until yesterday. It took a lot for me to even respond to her right now. I responded with only three short sentences. I’m not sure why all of a sudden I have this resentment towards her especially when we’ve been getting along and communicating well the past three weeks. Maybe I’m just tired of this game.
Oh, almost forgot, I didn’t do one thing for our wedding anniversary last week. We talked on the phone that day too about the house and I didn’t mention anything and neither did she.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
hang in there, you worked so hard to get to where you are now.
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I am trying not to show my emotions towards her right now. I’m hoping my anger/resentment passes. I don’t want to say or do something that will set us back. I didn’t respond to her Friday email until yesterday. It took a lot for me to even respond to her right now. I responded with only three short sentences. I’m not sure why all of a sudden I have this resentment towards her especially when we’ve been getting along and communicating well the past three weeks. Maybe I’m just tired of this game.
I agree with you here, this is a game-- a life long game.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I just found out tonight that my W is on a dating website. She just created this profile. I’m in shock. I’m numb right now. I never thought my W would go this far. Here I am like so many now saying I can’t believe it. Everyone here was right. What a fool I have been.
This hurts so bad. Just when I was starting to heal a bit and even think we were getting along, she rips my heart out again like she did when she left. I’ve gone through so many emotions tonight…anger, shock, extreme hurt, I don’t even know what I’m feeling.
I felt like she was playing me the past two weeks and this is why I have been so resentful towards her. I acted nice to her but on the inside I was very unhappy. I knew it, I frickin’ knew it. How could she do this? How could she go this far? What did I do to her to deserve this? My biggest crime was not having a job for those two very difficult years. I loved her unconditionally…the same was obviously not true for her.
On her profile she says she looking for guys 28-42…28? What the hell? She’s 36. I guess since she’s so immature that makes sense. In her profile she says that she’s “ venturing back into the dating after being in a long term relationship.” God forbid she says she was married. She says she’s “all about having a new adventures and being open to new experiences and new people.” Her profile says she is currently separated. She talks about her likes and what she’s looking for…all of the same things her and I have shared for the past 19 years. She says nothing in life should be too serious…that’s funny to me. My God, how far in left field is this woman?
I don’t know what to do now. I never thought it would come to this. So many questions. This is the first time that I have truly felt my M is over with no hope of reconciliation. I now know I’ll never get her back. How could I take her back anyway now that I know she wants to date other men? She included recent pictures of herself with her new hair style/ color and new clothes..much different then she used to dress. Nothing bad, just very nice/expensive looking clothes, nice office type attire and some dresses. She also lists herself as slender. She was always overweight but recently lost a lot of weight because of her diabetes. So the writing is on the wall…she lost the weight and no longer wants me.
How could she do this to me? She should have at least met with me at the counselor for closure first and then told me she wanted to date other people. For me to find out this way is just cruel. Who is this woman? She couldn’t wait two more months until she can file for D before she dated? I’ve been up all night…can’t sleep. Can’t stop thinking about her dating OM. I hate these thoughts…
I want to confront her today and tell her I know. I want to lay it all on the line. I’m tired of being passive with her to try to make things better. It didn’t work. I am going to tell her that I am removing myself as our real estate agent. She can find another agent. Out of self respect for myself I cannot do all of the work for selling the house anymore now that I know she wants to date other men. I just can’t do it. I’m also going to tell her a few other things that I am or am not going to do with some of our other issues we need to take care of. I left her a voice mail yesterday with a house update and asked her to call me last night to discuss. Instead of calling me back about some extremely important house issues she decided to be on this dating website and not call me back. Unbelievable.
I know this post is all over the place. Just typing things as I think of them. Coach, Greek, Sandi, Robx, Gucci, Puppy, Steve, CG, etc., HELP!!! Is there anything I can do? I really tried everything that was suggested to me except for dating. Now that it’s clear my W wants to date other men what should/can I do? How should I handle this? I want to fly off the handle and let her know what I think about her right now. If she cuts me off on the phone then I want to send her an email letting it all out. Telling her that she was cruel not to talk to me and after 19 years I deserved better. I want to tell her that she should have at least tried before it got to this point. So many things I want to tell her.
Do I expose to her family and friends? Call them? Email them? Tell them that my W is still married but she is about to start an affair? Say that I’m still fighting for this M and it’s not right that she date? Ask them to stop enabling her? I know some of her family and friends are probably enabling some of her behavior. Does it matter if I expose since she’s put herself out there on a dating website? Seems to me she doesn’t care who knows. Maybe her family knows but maybe not. If I did expose to her family I wouldn’t be surprised if they say they don’t care.
This so goes against what my W’s character used to be. I think I would have been able to deal with this better if she waited until the D was at least filed before she dated. It’s so sad to see what she has become. I think she’s kidding herself into who she thinks she is now. I believe she has some serious unresolved issues from the crisis we went through the last two years of our M due to the financial mess.
I don’t know what else to say about this. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this. I think it’s pathetic she is on a dating website because she always talked about how much she disliked those sites. This is probably more difficult than the day she left. I could really use some help today please.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
The ONLY reason I have been on the dating website is to see if she ever was on the site looking to date. She just joined within the past few days as far as I can tell. I haven't even set up a profile on that website...just search to see if she joined. No way for her to tell I'm on the website.
On the places she likes to travel she listed only two spots...our favorite spots we always went on vacation together. The one place is where we went on vacation last September. She also listed her favorite music as the music her and I always listened to together. Everything she wrote she wants is everything her and I did together. The only thing she listed she wants from a date is for them to have either a bachelors, graduate degree or PhD.
I really think she's messed up and she's ignoring the past and running away. What do I do?
Last edited by mza8; 08/25/1001:26 PM.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
It's unhealthy to pine over someone who doesn't want to be with you. I get the hurt but look how long you have been "trying" to fix it. You haven't tried everything, you haven't- detached, let her go, dropped the rope, quit pursuing or accepted the brutal reality. Feel your feelings and keep moving for you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
