I'm not saying there's no hope. I am saying its a lot of work. This isn't an overnight fix.
i'm prepared for a lot of work. but it might mean him d-filing, lots of temper tantrums, a lot of hate towards me because i'll still be the cause of all his problems, etc. and what do i do? just a lot of waiting. i'm action-oriented and i'm not used to just sitting around and waiting for him to wake up.
so what do i do? i've been working on myself. doing things that i enjoy doing and make me feel good about myself. i've said on my main thread that my life is fun again. i don't think i've ever smiled so much in the last month than i have in the last 3 years of my marriage. i've been challenged physically, mentally, and emotionally. wow.
my life is filled with a loving family, supportive friends, and well-meaning co-workers. and i wonder what i ever did to deserve all of this.
this was me pre-marriage/pre-h. and i always felt that h didn't have this and i wanted him to have a taste of what it was like to have all of this. it seems very selfish to be experiencing this all by myself.
when life is this much fun, it is meant to be shared. friends who only recently found out that i was d-bombed told me that they couldn't tell. i was always smiling and having fun.
i quote randy pausch a lot because he's been a great inspiration to me. he said "Look, I'm going to find a way to be happy, and I'd really love to be happy with you, but if I can't be happy with you, then I'll find a way to be happy without you."
