Last night was OK. I ran boys around and H came home and we ate dinner and had our 30 minute nightly stress-free conversation about our days. I'd had a good day at school and with my neighbor so it was nice to be able to share that. I talked to H once again about the college trip and he is still not budging. I just don't get why he won't go. I mean, for me, if there was an INKLING that my child wanted me there, no matter how practical or not practical, I would be there! That's just not H, at least not right now. The thing is, if it were just about work, he can make up those hours the rest of the week.
I don't know. Part of me thinks there has to be some undercurrent here of why he doesn't want to go: he's resentful, maybe, of the money spent on her when "he's so unhappy" or he doesn't want to be a part of the family thing perhaps? Both boys are going and wouldn't miss it for the world! They want to see their sister's new apt and where she'll be, etc... I hate to mindread, but maybe he's trying to separate himself already because he is planning on leaving as soon as he can financially do so.
So, here is the question of the morning: Do I have a conversation with him about all of the above or do I leave him alone about the whole matter? My instincts say just leave it alone, but that may be part of my conflict-avoider self. The main reason I would gravitate towards having a conversation about it is because of my D and not wanting her to feel crappy about her father not being part of this occasion! From a personal perspective, I don't really care if he comes or not. In fact, if he's going to come and be a grouch, better not to come! (D did recently reveal to me that she too felt cheated out of a "normal" graduation experience. She knew her dad was acting weird and it was just all strange and not right....)
I know that I have the ability to push H away further if I try to force going on him. I also know that maybe it's better if D tries to persuade him to go but I just don't know that she will. I'm tempted to remind him of something he said months ago. A coworker of his died unexpectedly (at 28) in a car crash and he talked then about how precious life is and how you can't take people and moments for granted... That he'd turned down lunch the last day he saw him with this guy because he was "too busy" and that he'd never be too busy again...
WOuld it be a mistake to remind him of this???
I just need some help with my thought process this morning I guess! lol
