21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

I just sent the following email to my W.


I talked with my lawyer about speeding up the divorce. He will see what he can do to make that happen and get you on your way.

Some financial things:
1. In Oct, our auto insurance will need to be renewed. You need to set up your own policy as I will remove the Civic from mine. You will lose the multi-car discount and the $227.87 per 6 months for the Civic will go up.

2. You do not have to do anything with the life insurance policies. They are both contracts between the insurance company and myself. You are no longer the beneficiary of my $400,000 policy and I am still the beneficiary on your $500,000 policy and will keep making payments on both accounts.

3. The Visa card you are using is a joint account. Neither one of us can close it unless we both approve unless one of us says the card is lost or stolen and that will close the account. You need to set up your own indiviudal credit card account.

4. You and the kids are still covered under my Tri-care Standard health insurance and it will cease when the kids become adults, you remarry, or your work provides you with health care coverage. Tri-care standard has no premiums to pay and covers 80% of health care bills with the remaining 20% to be paid by the beneficiary. The same coverage goes for me.


Household things:
1. There are a million things to split up. It would be helpful if you could start compiling a list of things you want. Everything from photo albums, CD's, DVD's, X-mas decorations, dishes, furniture, kid clothes, games, toys, etc. The list is endless.

2. Some stuff we can dispose of right now. We have two boxes of "Outstanding Wife" awards (a made up award I gave her every year on our anniversary for the first 12 years). I am sure you don't want those and I don't want a box of award's from my Ex-wife. We can just pitch those kind of things and do not have to wait. I will not pitch anything without your knowledge.

3. I still want to get the kids a full size bed each. You can keep the single beds and sheets for your new place.

4. Probably need to start saving boxes for your move.

5. Cousin said we can borrow his pick-up truck and it can tow a U-haul.


With all that has happened to us I still recommend you see an individual counselor.

- Family transition from Japan back to the States
- My dad passing away
- Son's anger issues
- Kids' transition from daycare to schools
- Murder of neighbors
- Getting rid of one pet
- Having the other pet lose a leg
- My retirement transition
- The loss of a child in Oct (pregnancy)
- The Divorce
- The transition to life after the Divorce

All of the above is a lot for anyone to handle and it is easier when a professional is there to help. I will be on my 7th session with my counselor since I have filed for divorce. While they may not always have the answers, they do make it easier to cope and it is not the same as marriage counseling. Your 20% share of the bill would be $22 of the $114 per session.

I have gone to Whiteman AFB today to turn in my active duty ID card and to get my retiree ID card issued. The kids will not require a dependent ID card until age 12. You are required to have your retiree dependent ID if you ever want to use any facility on any military installation. You can get a new retiree dependent ID card issued at Whiteman AFB or not, your choice.

The quicker we can agree on some of this stuff the faster the divorce will be over and we can get on with our lives.

Chuck66

[LSG]

Chuck66,

You seem ready to move on. I understand that feeling because I feel the same way.

Did you discuss this e-mail with your lawyer before you sent it. Just curious.

You have a good list of things to do to move the divorce forward.

This certainly shows that you are ready to move forward.

Will your divorce be final on August 5, 2010. I will tak my ring off once the final divorce papers are signed. It feels weird to still wear it to me.

You are doing great. You are taking care of business for sure.

It does not seem to be much longer for either of us to be divorced.

Take care of yourself during these difficult times.

[Coach]

C66, nicely done. Now go about your business and let her come to you.

Cheers

[Chuck66]

LSG,
I am not as ready to move on as the email purports. I lied about talking with the L to speed things up. No he did not see the email before I sent it. Aug 5 has already passed? I'm still thinking the D will finalize in Jan like my L said. We have required parenting classes to go to and have not even had any hearings.

Oh, you asked about Aug 5th because that's when we took OUR rings off. I think that was the day after she was notified I FILED so she took hers off. I did likewise the same day. I was all dramatic about it. I didn't say a word just flipped the ring onto the bathroom counter and it made a twang noise and spun around like a coin. She acted like she didn't hear or see it.

Coach,
Thanks. I think we understand each other with your "let her come to me" comment.

Today before she got to work and even read the email she was doing some Recon. Asked me what my plans were with the kids this weekend. She asked me if I planned on going out tonight by myself. I said no but I will be here to watch the kids so you can go out. She cut me off and said she is not going out.

She also asked me "W"here [a W question] I am tanning? I am getting as dark as her! I told her I take my shirt off and wear shorts around the farm when spraying for weeds, mowing, and doing projects. Otherwise I wouldn't have white as a ghost ankles from a sock line. I told her no one wears shoes to go tanning. The truth is I lay out at home up to 40 minutes on each side. Silly me always leave my socks on because the patio is cooking with 100 degree temps and I burned my feet once and will never do that again. The sock thing helped with my half truth explanation. Plus I wore a stark white (brand new) shirt today which made my tan really pop.

I never ask her questions that start with a "W" but it's nice to see I am starting to get the "W" questions asked of me. A smidge of pursuit on her part, I dunno?

[Chuck66]

I'm getting nothing. Not any acknowledgement of the note I left her or the email I sent. She hasn't started making a list of things to split up or talked to me about me ending her auto insurance. I have received big fat zero. We talk about 3 sentences then entire day anyway so I don't why I expected anything.

I am still going to press forward preparing for her departure. And will cancel her auto insurance when the time comes.

I also left her a note today that said I am going to get another kid to go to the baseball game on 22 Aug instead of W going.

Now I am inviting the flames and 2x4's to come.

I asked the kids' summer school teacher if she wanted to come to the game. They only have 2 days left of summer school so there will no longer be a student-teacher conflict. W already trust this teacher with our kids all day so it's not like I am introducing a person with an unknown past to our children. And this girl is in college so technically she is a kid. A college kid.

Yes this girl knows we are going though a divorce and I told her, "It's just a baseball game, nothing more." She said she understood and will think about it. It would be nice to have a conversation on the 2 hour drive to the game instead of acting happy while the W ignores me.

Flame away, I'm wearing my Nomex Underoos.

[LSG]

Chuck66,

I know it feels good to have attention from the opposite sex with all the stuff going on in the M, but it could be better to wait a little longer with the D going on. It is the feel good thing that you want to do, but is it the right thing to do at the moment. It is a decision that only you will be able to make.

I personally will not date or anything until the M is over, and I have a young woman bring out the same feelings in me, but I will let them go for now. This is my decision at the moment.

I know it is difficult, but you should just consider what your reasons are for pursuing this young lady at this time.

I hope you will find peace and happiness.

[Chuck66]

LSG,
It's not about the attention. I think she wants a free baseball game. And I told her it's just a game, nothing more. I certainly don't consider this a date. I know exactly my reasons for asking (not pursuing) this young lady. It's to get my W to notice that my life is going to go on.

When my current R is nothing, then I really have nothing to lose. Janis Joplin said that "freedom is another word for nothing left to lose."

Sitting in the hot sun for 3 hours with 45K fans is not my idea of a date. I have a feeling she will not go because of my current status. So this is all moot.

I do appreciate the concern.

[Chuck66]

I expected a 2x4 or two.

[Steve McQueen]

I expected a 2x4 or two.

- Have more confidence in yourself. don't rely on other people's advice or comments to guide you through your life.

be imaginative. be experimental.

[pinhead]

I expected a 2x4 or two.

- Have more confidence in yourself. don't rely on other people's advice or comments to guide you through your life.

be imaginative. be experimental.