My Wife is Having an Affair with Co-Worker

[LSG]

SunnyD,

I am trying to figure out a way to get the upper hand, but I always seem to come out on the losing end of the situation. I am doing my best to do as you have suggested.

I still have a ways to go.

[SunnyD]

The best advice I can give on getting it is to feel the fear and always consider "what shows self-respect" in every encounter/action you have with W, even if it goes against your instincts. Think before you act or speak. Say as little as possible... act confident and assured even when you don't feel it. Be happy with your kids; do the unexpected. Make HER wonder what's changed about YOU.

[LSG]

SunnyD,

I am doing my best to be calm and say as little as possible, but her actions have been making it very difficult lately. I will keep trying. It will get harder I believe before it becomes easier.

One day at a time right. I see some hope. I have to have it. I did lose out on a job to someone else, so it has been a hard week, but next week will be a new one.

I guess what has changed is I have moved on in my life in a new and different direction.

Thanks for your continued support.

[LSG]

I am doing my best. It is going to be a long week. W and OM are becoming very bold and brazen tonight. He dropped W off in front of our apartment and waited a while. I think that they may be trying to get a reaction from me or hope that I will slip up. It is not going to happen.

It is upsetting because my kids saw this and his car they have seen before. They were very much attached to me tonight. They wanted to go to pizza, and W has all the money, so they asked her to take them, and I went whether she liked it or not. I did not ask. I am going to be with my kids and spend time with them. She offered me water, and I just said no thanks because she knows I like soda and would not buy one for me. I did eat some pizza. I can't starve. Just a little over a week to the hearing. I have to make it no matter what. She was very uphappy and did not spend very much time with kids and just sat at the table. Kids had fun with me.

I think I am really getting to her. I do not react to her. I act to my situation, and I will continue to do this. I have too much with the kids to lose.

I am going to take them to the park and to the pound with W. I wish she was not going, but it will be fun anyways. Kids did not seem to want to be with her tonight. They seem to like to be with me. They felt insecure with their mommy getting a ride with another man. I think what she is doing is just wrong. It is having the opposite effect. I am more determined to follow through with no regrets or remorse.

My kids need me to protect them from this life they did not ask for, and as their Father, I will make sure I do that.

W just seems so depressed and unhappy with what is happening. I guess she realizes I will not give up ever.

I am concerned about what she and OM are up to with him dropping her off right in front of the apartment. It is just plain scary. I have to watch my back. He might try to play hero and come after me. If he does, it will be good because I will have a restraining order placed on him, and it will keep him away from my kids.

I missed a family reunion because of this, and the kids are disappointed. I have to live with that this year. My kids are more important to me right now.

[SunnyD]

Yes, protecting your kids is job #1 right now! At least you realize that. It's so hard to see someone not making them a priority when it's their other parent, especially!

[LSG]

Here is a portion of OMW's e-mail to me. This is what she had to say...What do you guy's think?

things haven't changed much on my end either, although i did elude to him in a conversation we had that i thought he had a girlfriend...he said "what does it matter...you kicked me to the curb long ago so what do you care!!!" i guess if that's how he feels, then why doesn't he just leave me??? who knows

Anyways, I fought with W a little over trying to help D with something I started. I do not know why I was so mad. It just irritated me.

I have had a long day today. I had to do a lot of things that I just did not want to, but they are out of the way. I have been preparing for the hearing next Monday.

I saw on her phone a TM from the OM too. It was at 9:43 pm Wednesday, August 11, 2010. I was so disgusted by it. I occasionally check, and I guess I should not. I don't know.

I gave some more things of mine that I got as a kid to my kids. I just feel like doing it. They seem happy.

I am so tired of this life with my W that I think a D will be a relief. I don't have the fight for the marriage anymore. As long as the OM is in the picture there would never be reconciliation for us I believe. I don't know how I could ever break the R up to give us a chance. It is over, and I am a little sad for the first time in a long time. I just don't get why I feel this way so close to the hearing. I guess finality is closer and closer for us.

[SunnyD]

Well, there's a natural grief process and I'm sure you are going through it.

The only way for you to reconcile with your W is one of two ways, in my opinion: You either have to go the Exposure route that Allen does such a great job helping out with, or you have to go the "Letting Go"/Tough Love approach and just go dark... In either case, the only way you shine the light back to your marriage for your wife is through getting your own life, becoming a self-confident, attractive man again - the one she was attracted to in the first place, with tons of self respect!

Both options take a lot of work and patience. Meanwhile, you just be the best dad and LSG you can be! You need to try to make W wonder, "What's changed about him? Why is he acting differently? Why is he no longer baited into arguments with me or chasing after me? Why's he so happy and confident?"

[LSG]

Hi SunnyD,

Thanks for the input on my thread.

I have exposed the A, but I am not sure I did it perfectly, and it did not help. Also, I have pretty much gone as dark as possible while live together. I guess I am doing what I should do.

You are right this takes a lot of patience, and I do think that I am in a place where I would not want to be married to my W even if that opportunity was possible.

I am being the best me and the best father.

I had a call from W about $20 that I took out of the bank account for gas and lunch for the kids. She was very mad, and she wanted me to put it back. I told I do have any money,and the car was on empty. She said that I should not have used it. I told her she will have to put the money, and I am not goint to do it. She told me if I have enough money to hire an attorney than I can afford the $20. I just told her that "I am not going to have this conversation with her," and I hung up.

I am doing some of what you suggest.

She did have dinner on the table for me too. The asked if I was going to eat since mom set me a place, and I said "yes." She even went and deposited the money and bought some stuff for home.

I was surprised by this.

[LSG]

Last night W came home and D was having a bad night. She was tired, and I think very worried about everything that is happening in our lives.

W was blantantly TM the OM to where I had to go sleep in the other room because I could not take it anymore. She has not paid me half of my spousal support yet or given quarters for laundry, so it is stacking up. She took kids for a treat and was wrapping presents for S. I am not sure how I should approach her about the money yet. I am also concerned if she moves out if I will be able to afford the deposit and first months rent for the place I am looking at for me and the kids.

It will be tough.

I am doing okay, but it is no time to celebrate yet until this all over.

My next hearing is in November, and I will talk with my attorney this Thursday to figure out what I should do next. I have to come up with a thousand dollars by then too.

I also need a job ASAP.

I will be glad when I have my own life again and some happiness.

I am impressed by the support I have received here.