Just to add to the above thought. My brother shared his situation with a friend, saying he'd just found pictures of his wife playing hide the sausage with another guy from a few years ago, and his friend said "so why's that bother you now?" My best friend still spends time with his ex's neices periodically and a friend of his said "isn't that a bit weird?" What often happens when you feel vulnerable and defective is that you start to wonder "are they right?" So, sometimes you just choose not to share with others. They often just don't get it! That's when you feel alone.
Soleil, I shouldn't complain. I can remember before this happened to me thinking about a co-worker who was still a mess after two years "why doesn't she just get on with her life! Isn't two years long enough to get over this" I had no emotional comprehension of her pain, although intellectually I understood it hurt. I didn't realize that it was a trauma, one of the biggest you'll ever experience. So, I probably wasn't there the way I would be now. Maybe that is part of God's plan, because of this pain we can now walk alongside others who are going through it and truly understand their pain. Didn't Paul say that in Romans?
I just dropped my girls off at their mom's. I mentioned that we probably wouldn't be seeing each other again until after they return from the cottage. The girls said "aren't you going to drop over Saturday to say goodbye?" Wow, what a frightening thought! I said " Probably not, it's very hard to say goodbye when you're not going" What a wimpy answer! My girls want me to come and say goodbye and I'm wimping out. I had a lump in my throat on the way home. They don't know how much I want to go with them and be family but it's just not a good idea. I don't want to go over, say goodbye and have a blubberfest with them either. But, then again, if that happens it happens. Let wife see what the reality of her choice to break up our family is. Ah well, we'll see.
I spoke with a work friend this morning and he doesn't think there's any need for me to go over to wife's to say goodbye to the kids when they leave for the cottage tomorrow morning. He thinks a phone call is fine. "Why put yourself through that?" he said. He also said to just wait and see how I feel in the morning, If I'm up to it and want to go over then do it, if not make a phone call. Again, we'll see.
FWIW, I think making a big deal out of this with a special goodbye, etc..., sets the kids up for separation anxiety (just like in nursery school). This is their normal, no big deal. I'd call when they are on their way, "Good morning, just wanted to say hi, have a blast!"
FWIW, I think making a big deal out of this with a special goodbye, etc..., sets the kids up for separation anxiety (just like in nursery school). This is their normal, no big deal. I'd call when they are on their way, "Good morning, just wanted to say hi, have a blast!"
My oldest was hugging me yesterday and didn't want to let go. The youngest sounded disappointed that I said I wasn't coming over to say goodbye (I only live about three blocks away) but I think you and my friend are right. There's no need to set up an emotional scene before they leave. I told them already I wouldn't be coming over. I think I'll probably just call them...hang up, have my little cry and move on. They'll be calling me every night from the cottage anyway. Damn, I hate these "firsts"!
