That is excellent advice Pinhead, I try and convince myself that is simply common sense that I should follow. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me...
I stumbled today.
I picked up the kids car seats and their things this morning, as they were being dropped off by my W at school. I broke down and started the "talking" again, no kids were present.
I will be taking the kids away for a weekend of fun, I figured we all really could use it. Especially me. She is going away somewhere as well. I know I am killing myself thinking she is going away with OM, but maybe she isn't. She just said she was "going away". I figured if she wanted me to know she would proactively offer to tell me...not keep it personal. I will be honest in saying that yes, I do want to know if she is. At the same time I wouldn't mind knowing where she will be..in the case of an emergency. So I came out and just asked her. She did tell me where she was going, but at the same time..it was none of my business. She mentioned that I was being passive agressive, and I agreed with her and apologized. I do know I can get like that...with the pain. I told her I will have fun with our kids and keep my focus on them, and I really will...otherwise we won't have a good time...and it will be all about me. I told her she will be missed and its not the same when we are not doing this together as a family. I am sorry for trying to carry on these conversations with her, that it is just really tough...I am trying. She just told me to stop, so I did and she drove off. Gets worse...then I texted her. Apologized again for my behaviour (the discussions were not heated in anyway...haven't been in a long time..and we don't have many). I told her that I married her because I love her, I had children with her because I love her. I wouldn't have married her or had children if I didn't know in my heart that I was prepared to do anything, no matter what happened, to make things work and make our marriage last forever. Being left alone to to do that...makes it rough. Because now its one of us trying...not two.
