I want to be part of the group...

[Jstar]

Sound like i'm doing great, not that great but living life wiht me and the kids. been what about about no msg no contact nothing from h, no questions about who is watching them while i work, if they are ok if he can see them, nada

he's the same boy he's been for years.

i was thinking today as i walked from the bus stop, i don't really think he and i had a chance, meaning, when i met him only 3 months later did my entire world fall apart and it just kept getting worse and worse. all the deaths in my immediate family, miscarriage, all that.

then i think, if you really loved me he would have recongized all the struggle i was experiencing. wouldn't he have stayed by my sad instead of runnning away?

the distance helps, i'm not so angry after having dealt with him. just tired as heck with bus riding working all day coming home to the kids cleaning the house laundry everything.

as he lives at home with his parents where his mother cooks cleans does his laundry, NO RESPONSIBILITIES whatsoever.

on his facebook his interests are clubbing, dancing, and drinking, no mention of children, NADA. sounds like a daddy who loves his kids.

i know he's gonna pop up like usual, may not be this week, but eventually he shows up at my door, wanting to see the kids. and wheni don't answer or tell him to go away, it's all my fault because i did not open the door allow him in with a smiling face all happy.
my youngest daughter has a bday in less then a month, he's gonna want to play disneyland daddy, rent a bouncer adn have a party for her at his house, in good concience i can not allow that. she does not need the confusion of daddy can come around when he wants to but my mom does everything, works and supports us every which way.

when i think about this i get so sad and hurt, so disgusted.

i'm not ready to date, my children are my life. we do things together in the house or jog to the park, take our showers together and it's just us.