Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Surprise surprise, H bailed out tonight...and he wonders why I don't plan my life around him. Yeah, sorry, I don't plan around him just in case he might want to hang out. It makes me even more mad that he bailed b/c of the big deal he made last thurs. He's been kind of quiet the last 2 days tho. I thinking he might be sinking into his depression hole again...1st my "ignoring" him and then today he texted to say that the new place might fall thru. I'm not sure what the story is on that, but that would be another one of his dreams falling apart. Also he went to the dr today b/c he was having such awful back pain (another sign that his issues might be acting up again). It's super hard on me when you're dealing with a person like him b/c it's hard for me to make logical rational decisions when someone is so unstable as him. It seems like he'll be "normal" for a while & my techniques will work on him and then he'll slip in a hole and everything blows up again. I don't think the situation is hopeless yet, but I'm having a hard time seeing any way to change things for the better when we are always taking 2 steps forward and then 2 steps back! It's just frustrating. I'm trying to just go with the flow for now and as this year finishes up, push a resolution...one way or another. I'm just getting tired of feeling like this all the time! It feels like I just can't be myself b/c I feel like I'm always in game mood and trying to figure out how I can get check mate. I think my fatigue and stress is all catching up with me now b/c I just feel so negative right now. =/