One thing I did was whenever I started thinking about the OW and H together (more an issue when H returned and WE were together) I made a point of telling myself "I don't want to think about that!"...because to be forgiving I couldn't hold on to those mental images that I had produced in my mind of them...many of them were not true...but all of them were only painful reminders of that time that we were both trying to get past. My H prefered to pretend it didn't happen also...and for the most part I let him...there were times that I needed to talk but I kept it focused on me and him...didn't include any comments about OW but H knew where I was coming from...he knew I had been hurt deeply...we both had...guilt is a very bad bed partner to have and he had to work on letting it go. In order to build a new healthy relationship you must allow your spouse to let go of the guilt...you have to forgive...there is no "payback" time...it is about moving forward and not looking back...everytime you look back you stop the forward momentum...
I am happy to pop in and offer my experiences when I can...I know how much this place meant to me and there were a few that responded to me...it made a difference in my ability to deal with all that I had heaped on me...
