Surviving the Big D STINKS!

[BeginningAgain]

Hey Mrs. A! Wow just catching up with your sitch, I have been in Florida for the last 10 days. You have been busy ;-)!

It sounds like you are on a good path though and a good perspective on everything. Don't let Mr. A take advantage of you though, you are too nice for that!

BA

[Mrs. A]

Thanks, BA. Glad that you are back. I'll have to catch up on your thread - tomorrow!

In the meantime, I need some rest. I'm not stressing about Mr. A.

I will go to bed momentarily and hopefully have sweet dreams (not likely, but hey!). And then I'll post on here tomorrow when I actually have something to say!

[Mrs. A]

I just posted this on BA's thread, where I promised/threatened to post it on my own, so here it is... a Buddhist parable that has been giving me a lot of food for thought over the past few days...

THE FARMER

There was a farmer who had a beautiful mare. One day she got loose and ran away with a herd of wild horses.

The farmer’s neighbor said, “Oh, what bad luck!” To which the farmer replied, “What's good, what's bad - who knows?”

Some time passed.

One day the mare returned and it soon became clear that she was going to give birth to a foal.

The neighbor said, “Oh, what good luck!” To which the farmer replied, “What's good, what's bad - who knows?”

The mare gave birth to a strong colt and the colt grew fast.

Some time passed and the colt was ready to be trained. The farmer’s son began to train the colt and one day fell off and broke his leg.

The neighbor said, “Oh, what bad luck!” To which the farmer replied, “What's good, what's bad - who knows?”

Some time passed.

There was a war and the army came around looking for young men to be soldiers. Because the farmer’s son had broken his leg and walked now with a bad limp, he was not taken to fight. Instead he stayed home, cared for the farmer as he grew old, and lived to a ripe old age himself.

What's good, what's bad - who knows?

Whatever happens in our lives, we're the ones who decide what's good and what's bad (or who just wait and see). If something seems bad, maybe we simply need to change our approach. Sometimes the worst-seeming things push us to exactly where we need most to go.

THE END

[Mrs. A]

Before I get into my ruminations on the koan, guess what!?!?

Mr. A called twice - at 9:01 and at 9:35. I didn't answer either time. This is a first for me!

[newmama]

WELL DONE, Mrs. A! Keep your resolve. What are you thinking/ wanting?

[Mrs. A]

Ok, needing advice SERIOUSLY!

Seems like once we get onto this part of the board, we're not thinking so much anymore about what we learned from DB/DR.

But now I am in a pickle.

I'm journaling here so bear with me.

It's no secret that I still have very strong positive feelings for Mr. A. But I don't know if I've shared this here before: one thing I did wrong was to make light of his accomplishments. In retrospect, I see how that can be very demoralizing, and I don't want to do it to anyone - let alone the person I care most about!

[newmama]

What is your pickle? We can chat on FB- I will send you a message! pronto!

[Mrs. A]

So Mr. A called me 3 times in 45 minutes tonight and I didn't answer. He FINALLY left me a message on the third try.

HE GOT A JOB!!!!! This is huge. This is amazing. This is the kind of victory that Mr. A has never experienced in his life. He's sooooooo excited and I'm sooooo excited for him.

I guess as I write this I know the answer. (But I will post now anyway in case anyone wants to weigh in!)

[Mrs. A]

I'm going to call Mr. A back and congratulate him on his job. I would do this for a stranger. And Mr. A is much more than a stranger.

I know I can't keep letting him use me, but I feel genuinely, sincerely happy that he got this job. To deny him my congratulations would be malicious.

Any thoughts to the contrary?

Hurry, please!!!

[newmama]

It is ok for you to let him know that you are happy for him. But please think along the lines of "you divorced me; you can't have me as your best friend anymore if you want to be divorced."

I know it is hard to see where you are right now.

Does he get text messaging? You could avoid talking to him on the phone by just sending a text "Congratulations!" and leave it be....I know it is hard but remember: all WASs seem to think that we will still be their best friends post D! crazy talk!