I'm always interested in the notion of annulling a marriage, as opposed to divorce. I understand that it is the only way in which a Catholic can re-marry. However, would the message it sends, the way it "erases" a marriage, have an effect on the children of that marriage? Just musing here.
I understand, from my own experience, what a difficult thing sexual abuse, particularly from family members, can be. Also, although counselling can appear to resolve certain issues which later present themselves, it's impossible to know when new issues are going to pop up, down the line, and initially difficult to realize that they are connected to the incest. However, it's better for your W (and children) if she does finally deal with her past, and having an MLC does give a person the chance to do her growing up, agonizing though it is.
You don't exactly answer WHY you would like to understand what your W is going through--which is fine, maybe you don't really know yet. If it's in order to develop your compassion and forgiveness (as opposed to being able to label her rejection of you as entirely "her" problem), then I think you will be able to learn a lot from the contributors here.
As Lance has pointed out, the most important thing you can do is to keep learning, growing, and improving yourself.
