I'm trying hard to breathe, relax, back off & get out of my head. I feel pathetic for still wanting my husband back so bad considering he wants nothing to do with me' anymore. I want to begin IC for me to help myself bc I feel I failed my girls. Had I stuck with the 180s and stuck with my changes he wouldn't have moved out in March. Had I listened to what he was really telling me & learned to control my temper their dad wouldn't be 2 hrs away. They love him so much & they're suffering. But when I tell him he gets mad. A couple of weeks ago he said "the more you make it about the kids the more I stay away". I just feel as their mom I need to protect them & they have so many unanswered questions and it's his job to answer them. But I won't step in anymore. I hope they learn to voice their concerns to him. DD7 said "mommy I feel sorry for u sometimes" I asked why. She said "it just seems like u try so hard for some things to work but they don't work out for u" Crazy how a 7 yr old sees certain things. She said "nothing ever works for u but I love u for trying" DD9 looked at Her funny.
I'm glad she knows I tried. But it breaks my heart at the same time.
Tomorrow is my bday. The 1st one in 14 yrs without him.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
