He is trying to work out his guilt over grandma and he doesn't know how. He's running away by going out to party. He's trying to drown his guilt but it doesn't work. So, you are his target. He blames you for the moving out of GM's house. Don't accept that blame! It's his problem, not yours. Do not allow him to take his guilt out on you. Refuse to discuss it b/c I bet it has been rehashed several times. You know that is the root of the problem and you want to fix it....but it won't work. It's his problem.
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I use to be his world but now all I am is a rug. I know he don't respect me, I've lost it for myself. My self esteem is shot how can u have one when your husband can't stand you?
Listen to me sweetheart, I know about this kind of stuff. The more you act weak and allow him to treat you disrespectfully (and you know all the ways he treats you disrespectfully), the worse it will get. He lost his respect for you! Now you must get some gumption, some spit & fire! You need to rock his world by losing that clingly, needy, spineless little wifey attitude and find that gal who can stand up for herself and spit in the eye of any man who doesn't treat her like a queen! You are a rare, priceless creation....you are one of a kind. Nobody out there is exactly like you are. But you must believe this about yourself and get an attitude and act like you are the best thing that ever come along. Find your inner beauty and show it.
Mental abuse is a killer of the spirit. Chose to live with the spunk that God meant for you to have. You are NOT a rug if you don't act like one. People treat us the way we teach them by our attitude/actions. You are a gem.....a beautiful jewel.
Go find some books at the library on building self-esteem. Get a new hair do and get dolled up. Makes you feel better. I'll talk to you more later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
He lost his respect for you! Now you must get some gumption, some spit & fire! You need to rock his world by losing that clingly, needy, spineless little wifey attitude and find that gal who can stand up for herself and spit in the eye of any man who doesn't treat her like a queen!
Fantastic advice as always from Sandi.. I met my H aged 16 and we were together for nearly thirty years when he upped and left within a week!
I know how it feels not to feel able to cope but you can and you will.. start with little things hun! Hair, makeup, new lingerie, if the underneath feels good it shines on the outside! Remember you are worth it, do things for you not to get H back.. Act as if he doesnt matter a jot and if he wants to carry on being a prize prat its not your problem.. as Sandi said its his own problem..
Spill all your thoughts out on here, if its just mumbo jumbo stuff just journal away, this is a fab place for getting your head straight, if you wobbling you get free 2x4's (affectionate smacks) and hopefully we can set you off in the right direction again!
Huge hugs
Rabbit
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Good morning. I am thinking of you as I'm having my coffee at 5:00 am. I wanted to let you know that what you are going through right now could continue on and it get much worse. It could even take on physical abuse. If he can mentally or emotionally beat you up, then one day you might say the wrong thing at the wrong time and he will hit you out of his anger. He may or may not apologize, but the point is...as long as he is allowed to treat you crappy, then that is exactly what he will do.
But you can put a stop to how you are being mentally put down by taking up for yourself. I don't mean by trying to defend your actions or explain anything b/c he won't accept it in the mood he's in now. I mean take up for yourself...."stand" up for yourself with the right spunky attitude that will let him know (by your healthy way of dealing) that you do not have to take his bad behavior and futhermore, you won't. He can go to the gym to work out his frustrations, but he won't work them out on you!
Abuse is a form of bullying. It is also from his low self-esteem but he would never admit that. No use in even trying to point this out to him b/c he would resent it and would not believe any of this if it came from you telling him. Just know this information as a source to help you come to terms with what is happening. As I told you, he has to learn to deal with his guilt over grandmother. You've been patient with him but now is the time to break this pattern before it turns very ugly.
You do not want to bring a child into the R while this is going on. A child will not be the answer to fixing a problem, it would only add more stress and it would break the M apart. He needs to deal with his issues and mature before trying for parenthood.
So, I'd like to give you something to work on....if this should fit your personal stitch. Have you formed a habit of saying, "I'm sorry" for everything he throws at you? Watch yourself in your conversations with everyone (not just him) and notice how many times you accept responsibility for so many things by saying "I'm sorry". Until your self-esteem is higher,try reframing from saying that unless you really have hurt someone or really do owe an apology. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry" whenever you step out in front of another customer in the grocery aisle...say, "Excuse me".
Just kind of take inventory of that and catch yourself at how much you will feel better by changing that one little word.
Got to go. Hope you will come back everyday and talk to us b/c we want to help if we can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
