2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

Wellllll, I am sorry to hear that, but good luck on the winning back. Make sure you do what MWD suggests.

Sorry I did not respond to your last posting.

Yes, I am VERY aware of all the statistics and effects of divorce. In fact I am a Social Analyst and Forecaster by career. In other words my job is to know everything that is going on in society.
Most of us LBS end up educating ourselves to all the statistics etc. of divorce. We are armed with so much information that we can "almost" predict what is going to happen to all of us. The problem is, is that we are the only ones seeking this information. The WAS never bothers to look at the information. They are all about "gut feelings" and are just looking for a happy release. Years later "some WAS" start to look around a bit as they realize there are additional problems that they did not expect. That is when "some WAS" return. Pretty much the majority of WAS that return are men. Very, very rarely do women ever return if they are the ones that walked away.

Trust me I have read every single book that various people on this board have suggested. The No More Mr Nice Guy is a valuable book as well as Hold Onto Your Nuts.

I just want to clarify something.....as you probably can tell from my posts I am a pretty caring guy, deeply involved with his kids.........That was my 180 !!!!
I was NOT like that while I was married. I was arrogant, opinionated, negative, and not an involved father. So you see...the No More Mr Nice Guy book is not exactly what I need.

My kids have been away for 2 weeks with their mom. Every few days they video Skype me which has made it bearable. I am so lucky that my kids keep in contact with me. When they are with me they never ever asked to contact their mother.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend. She is my age and has lung cancer and cancer throughout her body. We had a great, fun lunch together. We told travel stories etc. When I left her I had tears steaming down my face. This time next year she will probably be not with us anymore. It's in those moments that all I want to do is be with my family and hug them so tightly.
You see we all change as we get a bit older. The simple, most pure things are what matters.

As much as I try to influence my ex we all know that people only change when they have to. Usually it takes a major life catastrophe for someone to truly look deeply into who they are and what really matters in life.

So yes, I have days of bitterness and I have days of love towards my ex. If I could be a perfect person I would forgive and just be loving to everyone I can. At least that is what the Dalai Lama is all about. Unfortunately I am not there and am still triggered easily into feelings of anger.

Behind anger is hurt.
Behind hurt is love.

Ahhhhh...I am so "flaky" now but it's who I want to be. It's more honest.