She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Good to see you back. Quick piece of advice, if you're away from the boards for a little while and then come back, find the people who were following your thread and let them know.

I should be excited that my W wants to get back together, but I'm not. I keep thinking about things, and the thought is difficult.

tbart, this is absolutelynormal. We spend all this energy and time trying to change ourselves and REVERSE the direction that when it does reverse, we start to feel our own resentments, fears, complaints, etc...

Moving back in - I would re-consider this if I was you. At least to think about not jumping right back in. Maybe some vets can chime in here but often the separation is the catalyst that makes things reverse. That space got her to miss you and want you back; it showed her what she actually missed about you.

There is some discussion about this in the DR book.

I would definitely advise you to seek out some feedback from people who have had experience in piecing.

I'll see if I can get Coach to come over and give you some feedback.

Now for what I see as positive - the very fact she was being specific about what she missed is positive.

Now for the work. This is what I would do.

Both of you make a list of the things you didn't like about the marriage. Be very specific with specific examples of it. You have to do this with your ego's on the side. You need to be able to do this without either one getting all wrapped around the axle.

No 2 - Make a list of your fears about moving forward. Have her do it also.

Take those lists and bring them here. There are so many people here who can help you guys address them and point you to resources you can use.

Again, that's what I would do. This place has helped you get this far, it can help you go forward from here. A lot of people get to the point you're at and then disappear, only to show up later on.

One more piece of advice for you. If you guys successfully reconcile make sure YOU KEEP COMING BACK HERE on a regular basis. This place will keep it green for you and will put you in a great position not to fall back and repeat only to be here in a couple of years.

Take note of what BeTheMan wrote. There's a reason he posted that to you. It's not a coincidence.