Not spending any time here any more. My DB friends mean a lot to me and I'm hoping to get to checking on your sitches, but the whole concept of reconciliation is pretty irrelevant to my life right now.
Today would have been my tenth anniversary with my STBXH. I still think about him regularly, and mull over what happened in our marriage, but it feels like it's in the past now. I'm grateful that the anniversary isn't a trigger.
Summer is a GREAT time of year and I'm making the most of it. I've decided that I am ready to carve out a part of my life that is about being a WOMAN first.
I have entered the DATING phase now . I put up my profile on two online dating sites a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had overwhelming response, but a couple of quality guys have expressed some interest. My profile wasn't designed to cast a wide net...I mentioned my children, etc.
I am probably having my first date this morning, with a guy who is quite intriguing. I'm worried that the chemistry won't be there, but I feel confident that at least it will be a pleasant meeting.
Also, two nights ago my neighbours (one is my BFF) invited me over to have a beer with their old friend (who my BIL also knows). He is a single dad who is actually very attractive and interesting. Yesterday he left a very sweet note in my door asking me out for coffee or dinner. OMG, so flattering! He has a remarkable list of accomplishments...it's actually pretty intimidating. But there is definitely potential for chemistry there. We first met eyes when I was hanging around in the courtyard chatting with neighbours and watching my kids. His eye contact and smile was very direct . I love a confident, manly guy!
It's still very hard for me to imagine being with a man other than STBXH, even dating/flirtation. He's been the only one for 16 years...and I realize I haven't dated in 20 years!! I don't feel very confident about how to act, etc. I am trying to relax and be in the moment. It's important to feel my way through this and totally be myself as I move forward. I feel like I'm just getting to know myself as I reconnect with the "old me" and have feelings and experiences that familiar but long-buried.
My advice to everyone here is to embrace reality. Look it square in the eye. Tackle everything that's your business, and fully let go of what's outside of your control. Hint: wanting someone to love you, wanting an intact family, wanting someone to work on the relationship...those are outside of your control, unfortunately.
My ability to have fun and be happy is greater than it has been in years. STBXH did me a favour (but he didn't do our children a favour ). It's VERY clear to me that taking Celexa (AD) is a huge part of what's working for me right now. I probably should have done this years ago, especially because it may have affected the outcome of my marriage. But that's in the past and all I can do is move forward.
(((hugs))) to all of you
PS: I am still sticking my head in the sand about the financial issues. I know I need to tackle them, but haven't made too much progress. My thread title is a good reminder to me that I need to concentrate on putting my big girl panties ON.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. I put up my profile on two online dating sites a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had overwhelming response, but a couple of quality guys have expressed some interest. My profile wasn't designed to cast a wide net...I mentioned my children, etc.
). It's VERY clear to me that taking Celexa (AD) is a huge part of what's working for me right now. I probably should have done this years ago, especially because it may have affected the outcome of my marriage. But that's in the past and all I can do is move forward. 
