W was really pissy this morning. I have been giddy with the kids got them dressed for school. W has been taking more time to get "ready" she is putting on makeup again and doing her hair. Her friend told me she is doing this to get a reaction out of me. I have not said a word. I have not reacted one bit, I think she is trying to rub it in, she is a very pretty woman, and if it helps her self-esteem then good for her. That is one of my own boundaries for myself, I do tell her from time to time how good she looks but I am not going to be the slave boy that tells it to her constantly.
I am starting to realize, although I have faults I am not willing to be a completely different person than who I am. W told me a few nights ago I was fake and not able to love. SHe says that is the way I have been our whole R. I listened to that and have been thinking about it. If I was that way our whole R 7 years, why did we stay together? why did she come back after the first S? During the first S, I was very vindictive and stuck it to her because of the A. I completely detached, it was easier with the A. But at the same time I cannot do this every 3 years. This is not a high school Bf/Gf relationship. We are M we have 2 wonderful kids.
So I think about it more, she is just blaming me for everything that is wrong. Her friend told me, Derek you need to be you, go back to being just you. I was the same way when we first met, could have made some habit changes then, but I am who she fell in love with, so being me makes me happy.
