Guess what? I wasn't co-dependent, stbxh was (according to that definition!) weird. Not that I can't admit if I was or not, just that I am wary of those labels because it seems so "rampant." Obviously there was something wrong with me, lol!
And wow, I never thought of dating as manufactured! Interesting! Seriously!
About lists--yeah. I have LEARNED and will confess something:
when I was looking to find someone to be with long term (i.e. my stbxh) I did look up risk factors for divorce. I saw what they were and decided to "screen" the men that I liked by these factors. Ok so for example, if you both are older than 25, both went to college, both have similar views on money, etc. then it supposedly decreases your risk for divorce.
My therapist told me a number of time to NOT THINK SO MUCH and to FEEL instead!
What I am saying is that this next section of my life, I will be basing my interest in men on some basic levels...not to make a list, but we would be lying if we said that nothing mattered in the future mate: 1)is he mentally healthy 2)is he good with kids 3)can we be content just talking and laughing together 4)are we attracted to each other
and then the honesty, trust, etc. will show up during the dating process I guess. If he can't keep a job or is lousy with money, that is a red flag (based on my previous dating experience) as is anger issues, socially withdrawn, and stupid ridiculous mind game crap like being passive aggressive, pouting, doing "tit for tat" etc.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
