I agree. The hard part is, your actions have to be directed towards what's best for your future, without the attachment, while all along, your "heart" is trying to drag you into sticking with the attachment.
YOU are wrestling with attachment. I know you said you are only concerned about his health... but its HIS health you are focussing on.. its not a bad thing.. you just have to be aware of it...
i guess i'm not as 'detached' as i thought i was. i am going to try and be more aware of things like that.
and that link you sent me above. omg. i'm speechless.
i look at all the other guys around me and then i look at him. and if he had just grown up, and became a real man .. he would be perfect.
when he dropped the d-bomb, he said that he felt he was dragging me through his life. i'm like .. how? you have a squash club to go to because of me. my friends invited me so you tagged along. you have people to play with because of me. most of my friends wouldn't want to be his friend if he wasn't married to me - they've told me that.
i was like his mother - organizing summer activities for him to keep him busy. he didn't get us involved in anything. it was always my job to do that. how was he dragging me through his life? he didn't even have an exciting life. i don't get it.
we've never attended mc. he refused to go .. didn't think it'd solve anything. "we just can't live together. imo, marriage shouldn't be this hard."
uh .. wake up. marriage is hard work.
i hate re-living the past. it's not good for me. but i'm still learning.
Yup all three have some emotional development due I would say...
Its a shame but there are a lot of moms out there who don't know how to raise a boy into a man... they only know how to feed and clothe a boy until that boy starts getting a paycheque and then he marries a stranger and has no idea what to do
Why are we all on the infidelity forum? Shouldn't there be a forum for husbands who were not raised properly?
I'm with peachy - there has got to be a third option. To leave or to tough it out are both extremes. There just has to be a third option.
When my h said that he didn't have confidence in my ability to handle motherhood, the first thing that came to mind was "taking care of h is like taking care of a child already!".
I don't know what to do. I don't have kids but I really don't want to hear someone say "well, you're young and have no kids. It's easy to start over and find someone else.". I'm not interested in another relationship.
Yup all three have some emotional development due I would say...
Its a shame but there are a lot of moms out there who don't know how to raise a boy into a man... they only know how to feed and clothe a boy until that boy starts getting a paycheque and then he marries a stranger and has no idea what to do
Well, and it's not just the mamma's! I know, for instance, that with my boys sometimes I cringe at the things my H has said - and this was in the past before all this M stuff started. For example, S16 is a big sports guy. H would coach his teams. H would complain about everything being the ref's fault if they lost. Now, I hate bad ref calls too, but I hated him blaming the refs for a loss. What about personal responsibility? Refs are always going to be the human element in the game, for sure. I just didn't care for the bigger lesson I felt H was exhibiting and it definitely shows right now: When your life is not what you want it to be, look for someone else to blame!
Anyway, I think sometimes moms try to overcompensate with their boys because the Dads aren't what they are supposed to be or sometimes, not around at all. I have always tried to be careful to not undermine H or his authority as Dad, but teach my children the right things. This is the part I hate most of all with our sitch right now and what H is modeling to his boys: I feel I have to do damage control the best I can and it pisses me off that H isn't man enough to do the right job himself! I think about my brother - my uncle - my father: all GREAT men who would never dream of doing these things to their families... It's just a da*n shame I married someone so unlike these other great men in my life.
Why are we all on the infidelity forum? Shouldn't there be a forum for husbands who were not raised properly?
I'm with peachy - there has got to be a third option. To leave or to tough it out are both extremes. There just has to be a third option.
When my h said that he didn't have confidence in my ability to handle motherhood, the first thing that came to mind was "taking care of h is like taking care of a child already!".
I don't know what to do. I don't have kids but I really don't want to hear someone say "well, you're young and have no kids. It's easy to start over and find someone else.". I'm not interested in another relationship.
LOL: I know!!! The thing is, the reason they are unfaithful IS because they weren't raised properly!
There is a 3rd option: it's called DBing and Tough Love! The problem is, it's harder than the other 2 options and you have to have a lot of patience. Not fun!
