Trust me, she has prospects out there. Sounds like she needs a soft landing. Morals mean nothing to a WAS, at least your morals. WAS construct new morals to protect thier egos.
I think the best thing you can do is to let them sleep in the bed they made for themselves. Dont try to protect them...let them fail or succeed. Perhaps they will learn some good life lessons about themselves and what marriage is. Maybe not, either way you are no longer responsible.
Last edited by WalkingMan; 08/11/1005:22 PM.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
She also mentioned a song that she thinks fits her sitch. The key lyrics are: "You'll find love, you'll find peace, you'll find the you you're meant to be."
LOL. How old is she? 12?
It never ceases to amaze me that the straws WAS grasp at leave them looking so dog-gone immature, and they don't see it
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Aye, she's pretty immature. Everyone who knows her and our sitch are just amazed by her poor judgement.
We married too early, at least for her. And she never grew up. That's not my fault; so now she needs to find out about life on her own. Hopefully she'll do well; at least for my daughter's sake. I'd love for them to have a decent female role model in their lives, but she sure isn't one now.
I think it would be great for your D if your W is a good role model for her. I also think that having a good role model will be best for her man or woman. I think either way you will be that role model even if your W isn't.
It is great that you wish well for your W. I really don't wish bad for my W, but I certainly don't wish her well either.
Stay positive!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Went with W to look at a 1BD apt yesterday. It was nice for what it was, but very small, especially since she'll have joint custody of our two Ds. She was pretty upset when she left.
Came home, enjoyed the kitties. W seems concerned about them trashing the house with their scratching, but they're just being little kittens; and she's leaving, so why should she be so concerned?
Took our oldest to her Bible class, and on the way, W mentioned that she had looked at furniture at a 2nd hand store. I asked her what she thought, and she didn't like the idea of a used mattress. At church I asked her if she wanted me to put a deposit down on the 1BD apt, and she snapped "No!" I said I was just trying to help, and she said "No you weren't, you were...(unintelligible) this isn't the time nor place to discuss this." So she was grumpy.
When we got home we discussed two events for Thursday with our daughters, and I said I'd stop and get some chips since the parents were supposed to be bringing a side dish. Then later, she spilled something in the fridge, and she was making such a big deal about it that I came over to see. I was just looking at the fridge shelf, and she started saying "What? What?" I said "Nothing" but she said, "I've known you for 13 years, I know you're thinking something." I told her to stop mind reading. Geez, it was just a small mess in the fridge.
Then she started arguing about who was going to buy the chips for the event. I said that I would, she said she could, and I asked her why she was trying to pick a fight with me. She said she wasn't, but she was pretty upset. I was ready to go workout, and told her I'd see her when I got back. She snapped "I'll probably be asleep when you get home," so I gently told her that I hoped she slept well.
She has no one to talk to about her sitch, except for me and that's completely non-productive. My only worry is if the LRT is appropriate for my sitch; She's a WAS, but she's also felt very neglected by me. I just wonder if my working out and other 180s are a self-fulfilling prophecy for her.
I'm not going to sit and ask her how she is all the time, what's wrong, and all the other stuff I used to do. When I come home, I ask her how her day was, but her replies are a lot shorter now since she seems more stressed. She also knows that I don't want to hear any talk about the two guys that she gives so much attention to.
I'm going to do some more leading, by talking to her tonight about what her plans for housing are now that she's pretty much shot down the 1BD. And maybe talk about splitting up our pictures/photos of the family that we have throughout the house.
I have to resist the urge to protect her, to fix her, to comfort her all the time. It didn't work in our relationship, and it won't work now. But habits die hard...
Then later, she spilled something in the fridge, and she was making such a big deal about it that I came over to see. I was just looking at the fridge shelf, and she started saying "What? What?" I said "Nothing" but she said, "I've known you for 13 years, I know you're thinking something." I told her to stop mind reading.
Really nothing was on your mind? Being detached, letting her go and giving her space deosn't mean you can't answer her question. She wasn't mind reading you were thinking - "she was making such a big deal about it that I came over to see."
Why couldn't you just say so?
It's unattractive, it makes you look cold, and scared of her.
Once you saw it was no big deal say so. "You were so alarmed, I came over because I thought you might have found a mouse/severed head/ghost in there!" Use your sense of humor and let her see you were their by her side.
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Then she started arguing about who was going to buy the chips for the event. I said that I would, she said she could, and I asked her why she was trying to pick a fight with me.
the real question is why did you even care, agree with her. it was just flippin chips! don't take the bait. you are not letting her go you are following her around and begging her to notice you.
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She snapped "I'll probably be asleep when you get home," so I gently told her that I hoped she slept well.
To quote Puppy, "BLECH!"
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm going to do some more leading, by talking to her tonight about what her plans for housing are now that she's pretty much shot down the 1BD.
How is that leading? What are your plans? Her problems are her problems. Let her deal with them, get out of the way.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
