New Game- Exposed

[CD Bear]

OK. So what do WE do about it?

See my last about texts/conversation and apathy.

Thanks, Steady

[steady]

I thought of this one a while ago..

GFY

Now when they translate that as go f--k yourself, you're thinking...Good For You...lol

CD hold off on the 'i'm not your friend' message. Get some feedback from puppy and the other guys. They have so much more experience in this vein that I do.

I never gave my W that message. Never once. But I'm certainly not acting like a friend toward her.

When you let people sit in their guilt and you don't even give them recognition, I think it has a much harder impact than any message you can send.

When someone gives you a gift and you refuse it, who does the gift belong to?

When you act friendly toward your W, she's giving you a little gift, a piece of Sh*t sandwich. And she wants you to eat it so she doesn't have to.

My W is lying and fabricating things in court papers. Now she knows she's doing that. If I am friendly toward her I'm basically telling her - sure I'm a doormat, no matter what you do to me I'll be your friend; now look, if I eat a piece of this sh^t sandwich you're giving me (her guilt) that's one less piece she has to keep.

Her persepective - I know I'm lying. I know it's wrong. Part of me that is my conscious is eating away inside me, now if I can get him to be friendly with me, then that means he forgives at least a small part of this cr@p...he's taking it off of me and putting it on himself. Now I feel better.

Now I'm a doormat and ate a chunk of disrespect; lost some of my self respect; she gets to feel better while I once again pay the price.

[steady]

I get it now. Had to read it over and over.

It was soft and almost friendly.

But how do you text "apathy?"

and if my W is softening since the mediator (I brought up the A again) and she cried about something I said, how do I NOT come off as the "isolated, withdrawn" CD?
i.e more of the same reasoin she left.

Did she end the affair?

[CD Bear]

THAT, my friend, is going on the fridge!!

I just don't know how to convey that without it being mean and/or confronting the A again and again.

Do I simply state it as a boundary?

Until the A is over, I have decided I am not interested in hearing about your personal life at all. Please confine the topics to D or the legal matter at hand.

That doesn't sound like me at all. But that "message" has to get to her.

Stuck.

[CD Bear]

Did she end the affair?

GAME POINT- STEADY!!

[steady]

Wait for some feedback from Puppy.

When you draw a boundary you better be damn sure you're going to back it up. You also want to have the conditions in your mind that will allow you to readjust that boundary. They are conditionally fluid.

[CD Bear]

I've realized that my exchange today may have cost me some hard-earned respect. Or, at least, given the current perspective, some self-respect.

Thanks, Steady.

I'll send up the Bat Signal (Doggy Light?) in the morning.

[CD Bear]

BTW, I just "smoked" my Allen Carr book

[steady]

...and if my W is softening since the mediator (I brought up the A again) and she cried about something I said,

she cried about something you said...tears of guilt? Did she come running back? How much pain have you been through? How much pain are you in?

how do I NOT come off as the "isolated, withdrawn" CD?
i.e more of the same reasoin she left.

Well to not be the isolated/withdrawn CD I suggest you approach your W and tell her you don't want to be the isolated/withdrawn CD. Tell her you are going to buy her and the OM a new house, and maybe a nice car. Let her know you are there for her whenever she wants you so you don't seem isolated and withdrawn.

You aren't isolated and withdrawn. You have friends. You're pucking your guts up here. You are active with your D. You're GALing...

The difference is this - in your M you were isolated and withdrawn WITHOUT healthy boundaries. You were hiding. You had invisible 'boundaries' that no one could see.

Now you draw a very CLEAR boundary that is there for YOUR health and the health of your D. That HEALTHY boundary puts your W on the outside. It's not you withdrawing, it's you putting her on the outside of your circle. You aren't curled up in a ball made of your own little world.

Your world has expanded BECAUSE you set the boundary. You're not hidden, you're standing tall for EVERYONE to see. She can see but she's not allowed to be in your world because she's being banished until she stops her nonsense.

BIG BIG DIFFERENCE.

[steady]

I've realized that my exchange today may have cost me some hard-earned respect. Or, at least, given the current perspective, some self-respect.

How about this... that interaction has just given you the opportunity to move to a different level of self respect!

In my eyes, that's exactly what it looks like to me.