New Game- Exposed

[steady]

CD, I'm going to tell you what Mike from Tennessee used to tell me - discard any future talk. Just toss it aside and put absolutely no weight on it.

I know it's tough to hear that, but I'll tell you from my experience, it will throw you for a loop. She's subconsciously testing you.

On Thanksgiving day 2008 my W told me how grateful she was I was with her, how proud she was of me, My W and I ML the second week of December, she made out with me under mistletoe on Christmas then told me she didn't want to try anymore the second week in January. All that inside of a month and a half. Get it?

Now I'm NOT telling you this because I'm assuming your sitch is gonna go the same way mine did - no one knows where its going to go. Damn, I'm still not exactly sure where mine is going. In all appearances I'm getting a D, but if you asked me in Dec 2008 I would have told you it appeared we were heading toward reconciliation. I'm just telling you this for your own protection.

You have to toe the line and not waver. She's probing your boundaries. Did you ever tell her you didn't want to be friends with her?

You got sucked in. Now pull yourself out.

By the way, I don't see how you would HAVE to move. I'm not sure you can actually move and take your D if you are against it. Courts aren't too fond of that kind of thing.

My W does the same thing. In one breath she's talking to me and acting like nothing's going on, the next breath she's trying to get a restraining order, then the next breath she's acting like nothing is going on. I'm not buying into it.

"Got a great job offer. How do you feel about moving to the balmy climate of (summer resort town)?

At this point in my sitch, I would just ignore it...lol My W is not my friend. My friends don't treat me the way she's treating me. That's my boundary and she will test it constantly.

CD, this woman is having an affair. She is completely disrespecting you. Then she has the gumption to text you like you guys are best friends.

Look at the text as if it was between two different people beside you and your wife. What does it look like?

This woman is not the woman you married CD. It's a wolf in sheep's clothing. She's not that woman until she sets it right - owns her BS, can tell you her issues in detail, and shows you how she's going to fix it. Then and only then do you even consider taking her back.

I know it's tough man. You see something like that and it looks like there's a crack in the dam. You reach in there and try to pry that damn thing open.

If there's a crack there it's because of the boundaries you're setting. If you allow those boundaries to get crossed you lose some of that respect you gained.

When you act as a 'friend' toward her you are sending her the message you are perfectly fine to be friends with her regardless of the fact she is having an affair. Is that true? Is that the message you want to be sending her?

Now if I'm off let me know. Is your goal to be her friend? Do you want to be friends with her while she's with OM? Only you can make that decision. But make it, and stick to it. Decide what would have to happen in order for you to move whatever boundary you set.

No 2x4, just a nudge in a different direction.

And as always, I may be wrong about everything.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would have preferred a several hour wait, and then a:

"I'm afraid it's not that dimple anymore."

Puppy

[steady]

I would have preferred a several hour wait, and then a:

"I'm afraid it's not that dimple anymore."

Puppy

LMAO Puppy...oh it hurts.

[CD Bear]

Geez, Puppy.
WHy didn't I think of that?
Dumb, dumb, dumb.

THAT would have been the proper attitude given that Steady was right on the mark in the post above.

And now to that one.........

[steady]

Now CD I'm going to ask you to be brutally honest with yourself.

What exactly when through your head when you got that first text? I mean detailed.

Something like:

WTF? Why is she sending me this text? This is really weird. Maybe she's looking back? It kinda looks like it. Why did she say 'we'? Why is she even asking me if I would want to move there? If she moves there then the OM will be out of the picture? Did they fizzle already? Is she having second thoughts. You know, screw her. She's walking all over me and she sends me a text like this... what's up with that?

I'm not writing back.

Well, what if it is a crack? What if I don't respond? If I don't that would make me look like I don't care at all. I mean, detaching is loving also. So if I ignore her, she may think I don't even care anymore and that might drive her further away.

But I'm supposed to be cutting her off - that's what they say makes the WAS choose.

But this is different. I have to strike while the iron is hot. This may be the opportunity I've been waiting for. Ok, let me put some banter in there. I'll mention the Ice Cream place...she loved that place and it will remind her of a time when we were in love. Yeah....

Shoot, what will the DB people think? I'm worried about how my W will take it if I do or don't text back....

<click> <---- that's the sound of CD's send button.


Now let me show you a different way.

Ok, this text is weird. Why would she even send that to me? What's this we stuff? We? There is no we! There's me, then there's her and her BS.

I don't allow people to treat me the way she's treating me. I wouldn't keep a friend around if they treated me this way. I drew a boundary and I'm sticking to it. She's gonna have to work her a$$ off to get me back...if she even still has a chance at that.

<click> <--- That's the sound of CD's phone closing after he deleted the message...

Although, I do like Puppy's response much better.

[steady]

But don't knock yourself CD. You're doing great. Everyone here stumbles and falls...the people here will always reach down to pick you back up.

Another response - I just asked the woman I'm dating if she wanted to move there and she said no. So I guess it's a no go.

Another response - fles ruoy kcuf og (think mirror)

Another response - do I know you?

Mistakes are the opportunities to learn. How else are we going to?

Of course all those other responses above are just in jest.

[steady]

Here's one more CD. My W got a refrain from order where I can't text or email her about anything except things to do with the kids.

What do you think she texts and emails me? Kid stuff...

and, things that have nothing to do with the kids. lol

I ignore everything except the kids stuff. I would do that even if I didn't have an order. I started doing that a while back. She isn't my friend. I mean, isn't that something else? Don't text anything to me except kids stuff, but I'm going to text whatever I want to you... lmao.

[CD Bear]

Nope, DEAD RIGHT. ME, DUMB.

SUCKER!!!!

Did you ever tell her you didn't want to be friends with her?

No but I should be open for it next time the opportunity appears.

I don't see how you would HAVE to move.

No, I wouldn't. That is what was so odd. She must know she can'r relocate unless she gives up custody or I agree to follow. And why would I do ANYTHING for her benefit- I'd love to move there but not at HER suggestion. But that is what struck me as oddly personal and "good times". But I missed the point as I'll 'fess up to below.

CD, this woman is having an affair. She is completely disrespecting you. Then she has the gumption to text you like you guys are best friends........
CD, this woman is having an affair. She is completely disrespecting you. Then she has the gumption to text you like you guys are best friends...........When you act as a 'friend' toward her you are sending her the message you are perfectly fine to be friends with her regardless of the fact she is having an affair. Is that true? Is that the message you want to be sending her?Is your goal to be her friend? Do you want to be friends with her while she's with OM?

Again, guilty of mind-reading from the last two days and got "soft". DUMB!!!

I'd like to ask the opinion of "shutting her down" with this inane chat. I'm thinking more "AllenA" and everytime I get something NOT about D, I HAMMER away with responses like:
"Oh? Is the Affair over?
"Have you stopped sleeping with another man?
"Have you decided to NOT abandon your responsibilities to the family we started?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

And, judging by the amount of Yahoo notifications, I likely have more lumber to recognize and accept like a man.

[CD Bear]

Again, since you are me, you read my thoughts almost perfectly.

And you are right. Why would I respond to her while she sleeps with OM?

What am I thinking? Sucker.

I gotta get the freinds thing out there. Even in a text. Whatever.

She has to GET this. I'm NOT her friend. Her perception of divorce and how her actions are hurting people is naive.

Good call. Gonna be the hardest thing I've done (really?) but I havwe to break off this inane froendly chat. She has to leave me alone. She wants a D, right? So GO!!

[CD Bear]

Or the same one I sent last time about her exBF. "I think you sent this to the wrong person"