wow - guess who called me just as I was going out the door to Mom's for Turkey - called just to wish me a Happy T-day and to tell me that her anut (80something) just called and wished her a happy T-day and she asked about me and C told her of our date last night. Aunt said she was happy and that she liked me. Said sometimes you have to take a step or two back to start going forward again.
The fact she called - a poisitve. the fact she told me about Aunt and her statement about going forward - another positive.
morning coffee and time to reflect on my positives
1. I had a really good day yesterday 2. she called just before I left for Mom's to wish me a Hapy TG 3. had a really good time with my family and food was great 4. When I got home I called C and we talked about each other's day for about 30 minutes. 5. Dropped off to sleep while watching TV and she called and woke me up around 10:30 to ask my advice on a computer she was thinking of buying for her S for Christmas and we talked for several more minutes. 6. Coffee is good this morning
Just got back home from a great date with C. Got there around 4 on Saturday afternoon and we went to the store to get a few things she needed. when we got back she fixed me a plate of T-day left overs from her dinner. I then built a fire in the fireplace and we started watching Finding Nemo (a really cute movie - and like Water said “just keep swimming”).
She fixed us a Cosmo and we snuggled and watched. After the movie we started to watch some TV but after just a few minutes we moved out to the Hot Tub for about 30 minutes. Then back to the living room and stoked the fire some and she made another cosmo and we just talked some. The last time that I was there I had left some clothes, some underwear, socks and a shirt. She told me that she had washed them and had cleaned out the bottom drawer in the Chest of drawers in her bedroom and put them there. (Not moved back in yet but at least I have a drawer) we then went to bed and ML and snuggled some more.
Next morning I got up and started the coffee maker while she walked the dog. When she came back in she poured our coffee and we sat and talked some through two cups of coffee. (sorry that I could not post my positives then but, — Well, you know)
We then fixed breakfast and then took a shower together. After breakfast we got her tree down and set it up in the living room with all the decorations. We also put up some decorations on the front porch as well. By then it was almost noon and we wanted to get out of the house - it was a beautiful day - no clouds and it was warming up nicely. We went to a Mexican restaurant she likes to go to and shared a nice meal.
During the meal she stated again, like she did about 3 or 4 weeks ago, that she thought I loved her more now than I did before she dropped the bomb. I again told her that back then I love her more that she could know but that since I did not take relationships 101 in College, that I did not know how to show my love to her. She did say that I was showing her my love more than I use to. I told her that what little I was doing now to show her my love was just scratching the surface and that I had a lot more to learn. She told me that this was really confusing her in that this was gong counter to “her truths” that she had led herself to believe before the bomb and that she still felt that she was pulling away some.
We finished our meal and then walked down the strip mall to a pet store and then next door to a furniture store and really had a good time. On the way back to the car in talking about some of the things she wanted, she mentioned that she wanted first one thing then another (both of which I promptly forgot when she mentioned the third thing “someone to fix her coffee every morning.” I really did not know how to answer that one but I did state that she did have someone to fix her coffee every morning until a few months ago. She then said something about maybe getting him back.
The tone of her voice while saying the last part along with the statement about still pulling away some left me really confused. Likely because she is really confused, which is, in itself, a positive, in that there was no doubt but that she wanted a divorce.
We then finished shopping and then went to her house and I fixed her shower and rested some before I had to go home. As we walked to my car in the driveway we hugged and kissed goodby and she said ILY. I know she was having a hard time saying ILY since the B&B and I was not saying it first but would respond to her if she did, which she only did once until tonight. Again as I left she asked me to call her when I got home to let her know I got home safely.
Really a great 26 hour date. Lots of positives, but some confusing signals. At least I now have a clothes drawer there, we ML again, and she said ILY when I left.
I do not think she is confused as much as she is scared... of the future. She wants you, and loves you, that is pretty clear. But it is tough to a) acknowledge you've acted rashly and given up in a R when the R had still a good chance b) put yourself back in that R.
Put yourself in her place: what if the new Bob disappears the moment she marries him again?
You are doing great in showing her (not telling her) that the new is there to stay. She is relaxing more and more... Not as fast as you'd want, but light speed for all of us here.
So congrats, and keep DBing. It is clearly working!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
1. had a great 26 hour date 2. I now have a clothes drawer at her place (in her BR) 3. she is talking more about getting me back (even if it is in a kidding tone) 4. she said ILY when I left Sunday evening 5. we ML again
