well looks like i'll be moving out. she says if i dont then she will file. she says she is at peace with filing. doenst want to work on anything. says 3years is enough and what happened should not have ever happened if i had loved her. i just didnt know that hidding your feelings and never talking about was considered work. I asked her about going to the Retrouville weekend and she said she didnt want to be brainwashed into thinking everything is ok....dont know what to do....
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
i've been reading your posts.. i've been in that other shoe. And i think its such a good step that you are truly willing to work on the marriage. I cant say or give much advice as i am new too this DB. Defintle ready DR and DB, they have helped me so much..not in terms of the marriage but for myself.
Me: 28 H:30 M:19/03/09 Renewed vows in home country: 19/03/10 Together: 7 1/2 years Married : 2yr 3 months S:26/06/10 reconciliation started: 1/10/10 Separation 2: 4/5/2011
thanks, and sorry for what happened to you. My W just says somethings can't be healed. She doesnt deserve to have been put through the ringer. I crushed everything she held dear. She says if she was to stay that would mean that my behavior was ok. And that now she would be scared of it happening again. She says everything reminds her of the affair.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
She doesnt deserve to have been put through the ringer.
She didn't deserve that.
Have you thought of offering a complete transparency plan? This means she has access to all of your accounts (and passwords) and can check everything whenever she wants to check?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
[quote] Have you thought of offering a complete transparency plan? This means she has access to all of your accounts (and passwords) and can check everything whenever she wants to check?
That might help. But where would be the trust?
I know that when my H cheated on me. The only way to set myself free was to let go of the anger and hurt. It took me years to move on. Your W no doubt is worried and scared it might happen again. Did you not show her how much you loved her and proved you would never do it again once you guys got married? some women just want that security. Cheating is a blow to the self-esteem for the other spouse.
Me: 28 H:30 M:19/03/09 Renewed vows in home country: 19/03/10 Together: 7 1/2 years Married : 2yr 3 months S:26/06/10 reconciliation started: 1/10/10 Separation 2: 4/5/2011
one affair was before we got married. The recent one was 3years ago.. She has never let go of the anger and hurt. She just said that she had it buried up the last 2years. Then it finally came out. And she wants me out to give her space...
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
well we went to our sons soccer party yesterday. after that i drove 3hours down to visit my parents. then drove another 2 for work today. staying away for awhile. told W that i would try and be out of town instead of getting a new place. she wasnt to happy. I'm still at a loss...i went and looked at a couple of mobile homes to check out and they were total dumps, nothing i would want my boys to stay in even for the weekend. Sister says maybe i should just move out for awhile and once school and everything gets going that she might see how much help i actually was.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
once school and everything gets going that she might see how much help i actually was.
So you want her to want you around because you are 'help'?
I've been reading your sitch but have not commented because I have no experience with affairs in my sitch, but lack of trust & rebuilding of trust after it has been destroyed, that I get.
showing her how much 'help' you actually were.. is not going to rebuild trust. To be honest, in my sitch, not having my H in the house was a relief, and much less work than having him there.
Consistent acknowledging of your mistakes, reassurances your are making changes and undestand what you need to do, transparency,and empathy for her hurt & the pain of your betrayal of her.. will go much further than your sisters idea.
Kudos to you for being here, being honest and seeking help. Lots of good people here to offer support and advice.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
well i have done work, i got my priorities, responsabilities, and duties in line...i know what is most important in life... thanks for your comment.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
