hi coach, Not sure if i can take someone in her place but can definitely go without her and as i said i am definitely going. Not sure if i want to give her a refund as the i need to pay the two slots.
Another dilemma popped up now that i need some advice on.
We had a realtor in to value our house and get it on the market. There is some stuff we need to do such as painting, organizing etc. I have been trying to get W's consensus on this but she will not talk about it, respond to emails or notes. But still she berates me about not doing enough to help with the sale even though I have nearly done everything so far including arranging the realtor.
Should I just back off and let her take the lead on some of this or leave as is ( in limbo ) unless she actively helps.
It's tiring sending emails and trying to talk with no response. Just seems like pursuing even though its not about the R or M.
if she leaves me a note on something and I dont respond she gets all Pi$$ed but it is ok for her to do the same to me.
The last note i left her just said if we don't communicate it is going to be very difficult to sell the house. I am thinking about cutting off all communications till she responds to this in a positive manner.
Luckily no need for a L as we have agreed to split proceeds from the house and agree on a sep agreement for posessions. No real differences on how we think things should be divided up. This is 2nd M for both of us and we are well aware of how much L cost and dont want to go down that path.
No alimony or child support involved as we each have a S
The short crisp note regarding communication seemed to have worked a bit. When I came home ( she was already gone to work ) there was a more pleasant sounding note on the table.
I told her previously I have no intention of delaying the house sale and in fact I am ready to move on once she agrees to start discussing some finances. She said she is now ready and has some proposals for me that she will discuss after the weekend. To me that means she is still working on them but has at least committed to talking.
I dont want to sell the house as i see that as being one of the final steps before D but have no real option but I guess i need to show her that it doesn't bother me. I know she is impressed with how prepared I am to move on even though she knows it's not what i want.
Hard to keep cool, calm and collected through this stage but I know that I must.
So I need to prepare myself for this meeting on Monday. It will most likely comprise of 3 parts
1. Finances
I am already doing a fairly good job on this. My attitude is to be fair and reasonable but not give her anything extra for the purpose of appeasing her. I have been completely transparent in all these dealings and called her out when she has tried to take advantage. So I am happy with my performance here.
2. Prepare House for sale
There is some work we need to do for this and I am take responsibility for 50% of it as again I think this is what is fair. I am also taking her to task to assist with this prep work as she is the one who wants the separation.
3. Discussing the the logistics of separation.
This is the one I am going to have difficulty with and need help. Everything in my gut tells me I should initiate a R conversation with her and ask her is she sure this is what she wants but my head and what I have learned from DB and the forum says act cool and just proceed like it does not overly affect me.
She knows I don't want this and want to work on the M so I know there is probably no point in re stating this so why do I feel I should ?
Its strange that she was the one constantly saying she wanted out and that we need to sell the house but at the same time doing nothing about it except telling friends and the kids and now I am the one driving this, setting dates and organizing the logistics. I feel like I am now the driving force behind the thing I want the least. Not really sure how the switch happened except I didn't want to get led around by the nose.
Is there a proper way to just come out one last time and say. "I am going ahead with this even though I believe it to be completely unnecessary and something we will both regret" or do I just act like I am completely ok with the separation and just focus on what i need to do.
