My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Punkin - so glad your day went well. What a wonderful personal victory!

I am really trying to come to terms with the NC and whether or not I am doing more harm than good to the relationship. NC has been just over 2 weeks and this is the longest we have had no contact in 28 years! He has texted 3 times but I have not seen it as an "emergency" to respond. What my IC and MC have said is that I have to find a break from "re-traumatization" - and his pure emotional and physical detachment is traumatizing. Additionally, his lack of recognition of the pain and harm to me and the kids is often unbearable. Therefore, NC is helping me to gain some strength (at least I hope so).

I know that I may be projecting ~ but how does reconnection occur? Who initiates? In my heart, I feel like the darker I stay the better ~ because if he reconnects then it will be of his own volition. By saying this, I'm not saying I expect him to do so, I just think after all that has happened, he has to to make the steps to indicate he wants to be with me. Not in a "prove yourself way" ~ more so in a "I want a happy, healthy relationship and am willing to do the work necessary to make it happen."
The counselors keep telling me to keep a compassionate distance - do you think NC is doing that?

My daughter asked me a question the other day. She said "Mom, we kids see that over the past couple of years you have really made changes - less stressed, less overreactive, more calm. What has Dad ever changed for you or for the family?" I couldn't answer her. I've spent so much time trying to please and failing on just about every level. I have wondered if H finds someone else and possibly eventually remarries will 10 years down the road he be happier than if we made sincere efforts to overcome our issues and ended up together 10 years later? I want to believe the latter - but it takes 2 to believe it.

Thanks for listening!