I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[awest1217]

NM I completely agree with you and believe you have the right attitude. It is not that you are looking for the perfect H right now, but you are dreaming (as all girls do) about the right guy and there is nothing wrong with that. You have your life and live you life well by yourself. To me it doesn't seem like you need a guy, which is what codependence is, it is that you want a guy to share with. Codependence is when there is a person who can't live without another person in his or her life. You are by no means codependent. If you were, you would have been dating or trying to find someone to date when H left a while ago.

I guess I am in the same boat as you. H left 16 months ago and by the time the D is final is will be 18 months. I say by next spring/summer if I find someone I want to go out on a date with, it would not be because I am codependent. I am going after I have already changed a lot (same as you, just look at the title of this thread) and am ready to meet some new guys. I am saying it will be my next H or that I am looking for a new H right away, no, but I will then have been alone for almost 2 years.

I think you are perfectly fine. The people to worry about are those who are looking for a R when they are still hooked on their spouse or who are trying to DB while looking for the next potential mate...that is codependence, but meeting some new guys. Nothing at all is the problem just be careful and know yourself.

Hope S feels better soon!