thanks for the response. The thought of a new R seems so far away. Hence the toy. As much as I would like to have human touch I know that it might temporarly feel good but feel horrible after and could possibly worsen my sitch. I have to live a clean life and I can't stoop to his level as much as I may want to. I realize that. I have had moments where I just wish that I could have some resemblence of a relationship with him even if it is just a sexual one at this point but I don't even dare go near him and I know that if I tried anything it would end in him rejecting me and pushing me away. I also know it is not a healthy thing to do. I have moments where I feel strong and feel like i can do this and fight the fight and then there are days where I just want it all to go away and be a nightmare and I wake up and i have my old life back again.
I have been reading your thread and it looks like you have become so strong and are almost through it all now. You have obviously been through a lot both personally and in your R with W
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
