i decided to stop checking my intel sources regularly. every time i check, i get a rush of anxiety - and it's not a good feeling. i never find anything unusual. and it seems very unproductive for me. especially since i am working on taking care of myself.
eventually it has to stop. i might as well start weening myself off now. it really isn't good for me and my mental well-being.
i really don't want to destroy all the work that i've done on myself to get to this point. it took a long time.
i think i always knew that my h was spewing garbage. i need to work on my detachment and compassion. i was asked by my l to go talk to my h about any outstanding items that need to be divided between us and maybe work out a deal ourselves. it would also give me a chance to see if h has matured over the last few months.
i fear it because it's like dealing with a 7 yr old child. you'd think that a was who wants out, will want to cut a deal as soon as possible. but my h seems to be dragging it out and hoping that i will give in because legal fees are eating away at my portion of the settlement.
we are both losing. there are no winners. this isn't a game to me.
i need to be strong when i get served. i'm making small progress towards it. i fall back a bit every once in a while.
