just got back from Wal-mart, and other stores and got myself a new Christmas tree and set it up this afternoon. Then in looking at it I am realizing that I will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in my apartment.
I am thankful that she has done all the positives things since the Bomb and the D and I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. --- But --- Christmas and Thanksgiving will not be spent as a happily married couple.
She has also responded very positively to a weekend get a way for the weekend between Christmas and New Years. And also lots of other positives and, who knows, with another month of DB-ing under my belt she may decide to come off of her perch on the fence.
Well, I guess I need to have my own tree and not use any of my old decorations to let her know that I am making this apartment my Home and even thought she knows that I want us to get back together again, I am getting on with my life. When she came over for Dinner on Thursday before the B&B weekend she looked around my apartment and kinda started with a few tears and said she was proud of me for getting the apartment set up and looking like a home.
Although the next two months show the possibility for some good positives, I do see some times of feeling really down. I do not look forward to those times.
Oh well - posting here kinda helps too. I am glad I can let me feelings out here and not with her.
