As far as "asking" her about MC, I think it would be better to just get dressed and act as if and plan to go. After you are dressed you can say something like, "I'm going to our appointment." Don't ask her if she's going....just leave. That shows her something. It shows her that you are not clinging to her skirt-tail and it doesn't put the same type of pressure on her as it was before.
The probem is that we didn't make another appointment at the time of this previous one because W did not answer the question "want to want this marriage?". Therefore, it'd be hard to just get ready and act like I'm going... nowhere. I have thought that I would tell her tomorrow night if she hasn't come to me with a decision that I'm making a MC appointment for Monday, she was welcome to come, but that our MC is tough to get an appointment with and I will be going regardless. I think that's taking charge too.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
If she hasn't said anything, I wouldn't bring it up. That's too close to pressuring her to come. Just go by yourself.
So you're saying that I should just call the MC and tell her that I want an appointment, make it, and not tell my wife I made one? Just out of the blue tell her that I am going the day of? That doesn't make sense.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Personally, I think MCing on your own, while your wife defiantly makes the decision NOT to work on the marriage, is just a waste of time. Unless you really like this particular marriage counselor, I think I'd rather see you put the money and time into a good individual counselor for yourself.
Personally, I think MCing on your own, while your wife defiantly makes the decision NOT to work on the marriage, is just a waste of time. Unless you really like this particular marriage counselor, I think I'd rather see you put the money and time into a good individual counselor for yourself.
Puppy
Well, see that's the thing. She's not defiantly NOT working on the marriage. She's said, "I'm trying. I'm still here in the house. I'm trying for this."
Yet, when push comes to shove and she's put in a place to answer a question that definitively leads her down the path of TRULY working on the marriage, she's has some trouble answering that question.
However, the exact question she was asked by the MC "Do you want to want this marriage?" which sets the ball in motion for a slew of work on our marriage that will probably revive it, is the SAME EXACT THING she's told me numerous times before ever stepping into that office.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
John, she's not working on the marriage. Staying in the house isn't working on the marriage, it's not trying. It's cohabitating.
Put a boundary down. If you feel that your issues can only be addressed in MC, then say that. If you think the two of you can resolve your issues without counseling, keep doing what's going on. If you think that she just needs time before going to counseling, be patient. Lead.
Not to be negative here, but when I almost separated from my W 6 years ago she was pushed away by me dragging her to see MC. She faked everything and was never truthful with her answers. MC saw no home and we stopped. 2 weeks later we reconciled.
John, she's not working on the marriage. Staying in the house isn't working on the marriage, it's not trying. It's cohabitating.
I really want to disagree with this. Sandi (i think) pointed out to me that I was expecting too much of her after the bomb. She stopped talking to OM. Stopped talking D and S. Didn't move out. Is going to MC.
I think she's trying in her own way, and although that may not be how you and I see it, I think it's a severe struggle for her to do the things she's doing.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Put a boundary down. If you feel that your issues can only be addressed in MC, then say that. If you think the two of you can resolve your issues without counseling, keep doing what's going on. If you think that she just needs time before going to counseling, be patient. Lead.
I do beleive our issues can only be addressed and resolved in MC. We're (mostly her) are too immature to deal with them without help.
And, I do think she just needs time before going again. I'll be patient as long as I can.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
