How To Tell The Kids

[DanF]

W didn't say too much about the new house. I think she said nice ans you might get a couple of weeks out of the pool. I wasn't really planning to move 50 percent of our stuff to the new house yet until we figure out what is going to happen with ours and what the child support payments are going to look like so we know who is going to be where. I don't want to have to move twice. And since I don't have the kids 50 pct yet either, I wasn't going to take half their stuff either. We do need to start talkind about dividing things though. How did you guys figure out values for your stuff?

I talked to sister in laws H yesterday. He said W told her sister she thinks the final decree will be the same as the temporary order. I certainly hope not, because I'm battling this one all the way next time. I am not any danger to my kids, so I should get them half time.

Vacation is going well so far. Yesterday we kept about 33 bluegills. Our best day ever. I texted a poc to W and she said "Awesome. Have the kids call me.". I told them, multiple times, but they refused. D said she would call her.......... in about a week.

Gotta go get more boat gas so we can go fishing again tonite. Sorry I haven't been on any threads for while to support you guys. Just a bit too busy.

AG, how was fishing with the scouts?

Thanks all!

[LSG]

DanF,

Stay strong. Do not listen to what other people are saying. Keep optimistic that you will be okay. I am so glad your trip is going so well. Enjoy the time you are having with your kids. I am sure they are having a blast with you.

Just don't worry about being here to support us. We know you do, and I am sure everybody just wants you to have a great time with your kids. Thinking about you and all those fish.

Enjoy yourself and the kids!

[A_goodman]

Dan,

Concur with LSG. I hope you guys are having a killer time.

I talked about the fishing on my thread. Long story short, my sons struck out. The scouts landed about 25 bluegills. Everybody had fun and most earned their fishing belt loops.

How do you prepare and cook blue gill anyway? They're kinda on the smallish side. Honestly, I'm more of a hunter than a fisherman. It's not the patience that gets me it's all the damn tangles. Being the leader, I must have fought twenty backlashes the other day. I HATE bait casters!

I'm getting more into it though. The kids love it(especially the little one), so I'm
learning. Just haven't caught or cleaned many. I'm gonna get a book or DVD so I can take care of everything the next time we catch some.

Take care buddy. Good fishing!

[Ready2Change]

Vacation is going well so far. Yesterday we kept about 33 bluegills. Our best day ever.

That is great! Keep enjoying your time with your kids.

I told them, multiple times, but they refused. D said she would call her.......... in about a week.

After all the reading and self reflection I have done, I still question where my responsibility falls in the relationship between my kids and their mother. My belief right now is that it is up to my kids to call their mother when they want to talk to her and it is her responsibility to call them if she wants to talk to them. I avoid the triangles.

..Sorry I haven't been on any threads for while to support you guys. Just a bit too busy.

Put your oxygen mask on first, then help others.

....I wasn't really planning to move 50 percent of our stuff to the new house yet until we figure out what is going to happen with ours...

I would strongly suggest that YOU MAKE THINGS HAPPEN...be the dead soldier. Get YOUR STUFF to YOUR house. Leave your W's stuff at HER house. You are moving out. You gave her the house by agreeing to move out. Yes, she may have to move out and you may be able to move back in, but RIGHT NOW she gets the house. THIS IS CALLED PRECEDENCE. Set precedence NOW with the belongings. Continually move toward your goal, not away from it. The bigger steps you take NOW the easier it is in the future.

Simple example: The kids need beds at BOTH HOUSES. One option is that you buy two new beds for the kids at your house. OR you take ONE of the beds with you and buy a new one and let your W buy a new bed for her house. I recommend the second option.

I took 50% of the Kids DVD's, 50% of the kids books, 50% of the kids clothing etc. I took the boys bunk-beds, left my daughters bed. Bought my daughter a new bed at my place, MsR2C bought new beds for the boys. I left the living room furniture and bought stuff I LIKED. I left the TV and bought a bigger flat screen....I took the dinning room table and chairs. xWife bought a table set SHE LIKED.....I took my fishing and hunting stuff, I left her rock climbing gear.

I don't want to have to move twice.

You are moving out. That is one move. IF she moves out, then you will have to MOVE AGAIN. Otherwise, you stay in the rental.....

And since I don't have the kids 50 pct yet either, I wasn't going to take half their stuff either.

Do you INTEND on having them 50%? Take the big steps NOW.

How did you guys figure out values for your stuff?

Ways to value the stuff:

1) What you can expect to get on craigs list.

2) If it is really valuable get it appraised.

Keep it simple. You get your car, she gets her car. Each one goes on the balance sheet. Both sides will value them different, that is OK. The lawyers will deal with that.

When all was said and done, I had to give MsR2C $1000 each month for 4 months to balance the equity.

He said W told her sister she thinks the final decree will be the same as the temporary order. I certainly hope not, because I'm battling this one all the way next time.

BATTLE IT NOW....Temporary orders are the testing grounds....

I am not any danger to my kids, so I should get them half time.

Yes. Put things in place NOW to show you are serious about being a 50% parent and not a weekend dad.

[MarkIII]

Question on the last post, My wife kept my kids away from me for over a month and a half, the courts stepped in and ordered what they call domestic relations. Until that report is done and submitted I only see my kids every other weekend from 10am-6pm and every Wednesday night 5pm-8pm with telephone calls on Tuesday and Thursdays. I do not want to be a weekend dad either and want 50%, how can I fight this? I have full custody of my four older kids for the past 5 years. (I'm scared and pissed off I'm being treated like a second class person right now). I ask my wife for more time and its either Nope or I dont know. Or I will ask my lawyer... Well he is a real BLEEP BLEEP.. Tells her go with what the court says and no more... I'm hoping and praying to god that tomorrow we have a 4 way meeting me her and the lawyers that she will start to cooperate with me somewhat.
I was all for saving my marriage but now really do not know. The girl (and yes she is a girl 24) is being very in mature now and getting uglier by the day. All to prusue more happiness (EA) and she no longer loves me..
Any one ever been thru the system with the kids? What can I do to gain the upper hand here?

Thanks

[DanF]

Hey guys. Vacation is going pretty well. Getting a lot of help from my Mom and family.

D got a bit dehydrated and overtired on Monday. She felt really bad on Tue morning and wouldn't eat or drink anything. I finally had to make her sit up and drink some powerade. at that point she was really missing W and so was I. I started to well-up tears thinking about her, but managed to kick that back pretty quickly.

Apparently, W is expecting the placement of the kids to remain as it is now, which is what she told her sister. We have to go to mediation for the kids placement on 8/23. Should I ask her before then why she is trying to keep my kids from me? I know she is doing it for herself, because she will be miserable without them. I just don't know if I should approach her on the subject sooner.

I am planning to consult today with my atty about what we will do if she doesn't agree to shared placement in mediation.

Doing well in general, but still feeling down sometimes.

[idontunderstand]

Thanks, as always, for your support, Dan.

Glad you are enjoying vacation. I could use one myself. Don't see it happening this year.

I'm not as far along when it comes to attys and mediation and all, but don't back down from 50-50 for one second, please! Your kids need you as much as you need them. I know you know all of this and it is a fear of mine, also. I could not imagine being a weekend father. Fight for them with everything you have!!!

Sorry, I know you are doing and will do all of the above. Extra prayer on the way!

[BeingMe]

Should I ask her before then why she is trying to keep my kids from me? I know she is doing it for herself, because she will be miserable without them. I just don't know if I should approach her on the subject sooner.

Do not discuss anything until you go to mediation. You answered the question yourself, anyway. You know why she wants more time with the kids. There is no point in discussing it, IMHO. It may just foster bad feelings. Best to wait when you are in a controlled environment. You can talk to your attorney, of course, but not to WAW. Think about what you want to say in mediation. Keep notes perhaps, but don't let her have access to anything. DO NOT try and garner any pity from her. She obviously cares nothing about your feelings at this point, so be strong and be silent.

Just my thoughts.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Should I ask her before then why she is trying to keep my kids from me? I know she is doing it for herself, because she will be miserable without them. I just don't know if I should approach her on the subject sooner.

Do not discuss anything until you go to mediation. You answered the question yourself, anyway. You know why she wants more time with the kids. There is no point in discussing it, IMHO. It may just foster bad feelings. Best to wait when you are in a controlled environment. You can talk to your attorney, of course, but not to WAW. Think about what you want to say in mediation. Keep notes perhaps, but don't let her have access to anything. DO NOT try and garner any pity from her. She obviously cares nothing about your feelings at this point, so be strong and be silent.

Just my thoughts.

This is all GREAT advice. ^



Puppy

[Ready2Change]

...We have to go to mediation for the kids placement on 8/23......

Hi Dan,

I would like to suggest that you prepare yourself so that you can be CALM and LOGICAL during the mediation.

"I feel it is in my kids best interest to spend equal and frequent time with both parents."

"I am a full time father and have no intentions of being a weekend dad."

"I am ready and looking forward to parenting 50% of the time."