I miss you too PEI. It's been wonderful having you guys backing me up. I do appreciate all of the support everyone has to offer.
How do you all keep up with the many friends you've made here? I keep finding more stories and make comments, follow along, but it's hard to keep up. Is there any easy way to keep track when someone comments on one of your comments?
I scan the forum pretty much daily, watching and reading, even if I'm not posting. Life gets in the way sometimes ... thank God! In the beginning I was litterally here for HOURS everyday. Now I am living a much more balanced existence ... most days
You can watch certain threads or posters, and I also go back and check my posts to see if anyone has commented after me. Oh, and the alt ... I keep up with some of them over there too.
You'll figure out what works for you ...
If I were you, I'd take Lance's advice ... get reading the resources and books ... I noticed that you said you hadn't yet read about 180s or about reminding your H about happy times etc. Frankly, those are some of the basics ... and to fully understand the advice you are getting here takes an understanding of, and knowledge of, some of the basic DB philosophies. You are right in that each sitch is individual yet there are similiarities and generalities that tend to apply across the board.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I would let the MC guide the session ... give up that control and trying to figure out what to say and how to say it and if you should say it and what to focus on .....
Originally Posted By: ltaylor
Maybe I should ask..what would you guys suggest I focus on in our upcoming MC session.
Listening. REALLY listening. And validating. No excuses, no defences, no reasons ...
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
PEI..I'm not so much into the alts..FB is my only alt, I guess, aside from my home private email. But I'm new to forums as well, so it's enough to concentrate on how to get around here..FB is more than I really want to deal with. It's good for personal msgs since we can't send them on this forum, but remembering all those signons and stuff is just too much work.
I'm going to ask if I can record the sessions. I find that so much is happening and gets said, that when it's all over, I can't remember everything and it frustrates me because I feel like I might be missing important pieces. My H has a bit of a photographinc memory..and also remembers everything he hears..even tho what he remembers is somewhat skewed to being what he wants to hear. So I can ask him, which is what I did last time..and he ended up thinking I was reiterating the session so I could explain to him what was said and why. I had to tell him it was because I couldn't remember all the details and that I was actually asking him to fill in the blanks.
I have been having some memory problems lately..concerns me somewhat since both my mom and maternal grandma had/have Alzheimers. I prefer to think so much was going on, my head was spinning.
Warrior..what is newbie life crisis? And when are you gonna start your own thread?
Good advice LT.
As far as MC it is a long process, the real question will come when your H is asked whether he wants to work on the marriage. And hif his actions follow suit with whatever he says.
Remember believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I have done some research about abandonment, anxiety, control, manipulation, communication, how I can be a better friend, mom, wife, sister. Right now I'm looking into fear and how to deal with that..since it's such a large part of what I'm feeling. These things take hours..literally. They are all not in one place, as I'm sure you know. It would be nice if you could just look something up and then read about it and then go do something else..like apply for jobs. But by the time I get done digging around for info about a particular topic and saving it for future reference, the day is over and I still have tons of regular life stuff to do..clean the house, groom my dogs, talk to kids. Whew!
