Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

Have you seen a L to know where you stand?

No i have not taken this step. Since we have not been in the new state for 6 months, I believe I have to call someone from our home state. I have no idea about this though. My mom has the name of a tough one back in home city though.

Do you have access to money in your name only?

He is the MD but my degree is in Finance, so I actually handle all the money. He has no idea what our ING account number or passwords are to get to most of our savings. The only money in my name only is my 401k. His pay is deposited into our joint account and I divvy up 'allowances' to each of our own accounts for our debit cards.

Do you have a support network?

In the new city I have only one friend. Back at home i have a huge network that I keep in touch with online and a few via phone. Being a resident's wife I have been alone most of the past 5 years and have been lucky to cultivate several close friendships over that time. Not only are my friends supportive, but luckily so are their husbands, so I've had many offers of places to stay... 500 miles away. My parents also support me in anything I want and want me to be happy, but they do not give advice, just listen.

Have you read up on exposure?

Do you really understand boundaries?

Haven't really read much about exposure. I have considered talking to the resident director and/or other attendings wives for 'advice' but also because they could make her life miserable, but I decided I shouldn't add more drama to my life so I never took that route.

I did read the whole thread on boundaries. I was prepared for him to ask me and the girls to go home for a few weeks after his test and I was going to say no and have a boundary speech and tell him NC with OW or he needs to find another place to stay. Last night him telling me HE was going up there for the weekend caught me off guard. I know I said too much, but I'm still surprised how calm I was and now I'm not too rattled even today. I think I'm getting fed up. I love my husband, not this a-hole that lives here right now. I'm wondering if this a-hole is the new him here to stay or if it's just a stage. I can ride out a long stage (even years) if I knew it was temporary, but I don't want to be married to an a-hole that doesn't respect me and let my daughters think that is acceptable. I might not have much strength for me, but when I think of it in terms of taking care of their mommy, I know I can do it for them. Living on my own wouldn't be much different that my life the past 5 years. Anyone will tell you I've done it all on my own while he just went to work. I just thought that we were just 'getting by' because surgery residency is brutal. I expected it to take a toll on things, I didn't expect it to leave us this broken or dealing with the topic of OW.

Are you taking care of yourself - physically, mentally, emotionally and spirtually?

I'm trying. I went from the not eating to eating cookie dough at night I haven't joined the Y yet because I don't know when or if I'm heading back 'home'. I suppose that is an excuse and I need to get off my ass and work out. Since coming here and feeling a bit better I have been laughing more at tv and enjoying my peaceful time after the kids are in bed.

I'm not sure if I'm heading back home for a visit with my family or staying here this weekend. Right now I feel strong and like it wouldn't bother me to be alone, but I'm afraid in the middle of the lonely weekend the emotion could overcome me and I'm still responsible for two little ones.