I wish I had something encouraging to say. As far as I know, so far H and OW have not frequented but one of the places that we used to go together, unless you count the hospital where he had his surgery. I count it. The pain he was in at the time is now one of my fondest memories.
Not only that, but he may not want to take on her little share of the debt. He wouldn't be the first DA who found out his sweetie had credit card debt out the a$$.
I had a rather emotional day today....It was my D's B-Day and it's the first one since the bomb. Today I really missed us as a family....my thoughts were going back to the day my D was born and to the many B-Day celebrations we had as a family. We always made a big production out of her B-Day. Planning elaborate b-day party themes, H was always so involved.....it hurt today and I missed it all...and him the way he used to be.
H took D & her BF to brunch, spent about 1 1/2 with them, gave her a present and was done....when he picked her up he asked for his sleeping bag. I didn't ask why he needs it, but D did...he told her that he is going camping. Again in the past that was something he would do with D...they had a father/daughter yearly tradition of going camping for a few days....this year he is obviously going without her....
As she was waiting for H to pick her up for brunch D also commented that he is late...again...and how strange it is, because he never used to be like that. She noticed the same thing I did...In the past he was the kind of a guy that was everywhere earlier...but never late. Interesting that D noticed it also....
We still had a nice B-day celebration tonight....even without H. I baked her her favorite chocolate mousse cake...her request for every b-day (btw also H's favorite cake...D said...good at least dad will not eat all of my cake lol) and had a nice dinner with D my GF and D's BF. Presents, cake, candles, a glass of champagne...the kids then headed off to a party for D at her BF's house.
But I must admit...it was a though day..I was sad...and resentful that H robbed D of that special family togetherness, and those loving memories you crate with each family celebration.....we were a broken family today....it just wasn't the same
Last edited by Mila; 08/11/1005:34 AM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I wonder if others have noticed their MLCer's not being on time. I can only remember once in the last ten months where H was here to pick up the Ds a little early instead of the usual very late. The girl's joke now about if he'll get here on 'our time' or 'daddy time'.
I hear you about the special family events. Anything that H shows up for he swoops in and then out again. His head and heart are definitely not with the kids.
Is it just the selfishness that makes the WA's either not realize or not care about the damage they're doing to their children?
What is the saddest thing for me is that although they still love their father, the kids no longer respect him.
One thing I'm sure of Mila, is that you made D's b-day special for her. It may have been different from the previous ways you celebrated it, but it created special memories for her of the mother whose always been there for her and who she can always count on.
BTW, I hope your D mentions the cake to your H that he missed out on. S happened to talk about the blueberry pie I made for him to the guys at work. His dad happened to be in that group. H used to love my pies. LOL
Mila and SA, Being less responsible is part of the teenager thing of this. How many teenagers are not on time? Add to that the fact that they are not who they were. So if they were on time how can you expect them to be on time now. They have temporarily become not themselves. Since they are in depression most of the time, I am guessing that time is not easy to gauge at this point. That might also be why they can't remember all their damage after this is over.
My heart goes out to you Mila. I can only imagine what pain your D birthday cause you and I am soo sorry.
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it was a though day
Tough BUT not insurmountable! One day at a time Mila…you need to heal honey and that just takes time.
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and resentful that H robbed D of that special family togetherness, and those loving memories you crate with each family celebration
Be careful with the resentment. It is normal and trust me a constant battle for me but we the LBS cannot let that resent grow roots in us. We can’t. It will rob of you of the healing. Rob you of your joy. Please Mila – feel it and then let it go the best way you can.
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.....we were a broken family today
Not “broken” honey…just “different’. Your D knows that you love her. She knows by now that you did not ask for this. As hard as it can be try to begin to look at these type of events as “different” not broken, not wrong.
Mila – I have said it to you before, you are amazing person. Your H will come to regret his choices. It may not happen today or in the next year or so BUT one day he will. You don’t throw away a diamond (that would be you) and not regret it.
So feel this pain, this loss and then get up and keep going. You have come so far – don’t let this rob you of what you have done, where you have grown.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
