Ok. That crap has got to stop. Her laying her cb at the feet of your son is absolute BS. I guess the thing that bothers me most about WAW attitudes is that they are SUPPOSED to be the mamma bear. But somewhere in their fog addled brain, they have decided that whatever THEY want will be fine for the kids. Somebody has to protect the kids. In your case, that somebody is you.
It was good thinking to approach the C and discuss it. If it were me, any further BS of this nature would be squashed with predjudice. Db be damned.
Make sure you reinsure the kids that you are fighting like hell to make hints right and that regardless of the M, they will always be the most important thing in your life.
Sorry for the harshness. This type of thing really chaps my a$$.
Good luck Dad.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
It was good thinking to approach the C and discuss it. If it were me, any further BS of this nature would be squashed with predjudice. Db be damned.
Sorry for the harshness. This type of thing really chaps my a$$.
thanks for the straight forward approach, I feel the same way and unfortunatly I probably just erased any progress, if there really was any, that I may have made over the last 3 weeks. I am just not going to sit here and take this any longer, she wants out anyway so why bother. In addition she has turned the 2 closest friends we had against me now, guess they were her friends after all.
If I could make it final tomarrow I probably would but I still haven't found a job. My skills are so outdated I can't even do contract work.
You keep the house anyway with or without a job!!! If you were a stay at home mom they would not kick you out before a D if final?! The finalized D will make those decisions not her. DO NOT MOVE OUT! If you don't want to sell, then DON'T! Until a court orders you to sell you do not follow orders from your W.
"Inappropriate marital conduct"...they had to put something down. Do not take it personally. Let nothing they do/say effect you! Be strong. Be stoic! Be cool under pressure.
Do not call C and see what you need to do about this with S. There is either a good or a bad R between your S and W. You cannot change that R one bit! Detach and be the best D for your son but stop worrying about things you can NOT control!
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
Last night was not a good night and this morning it continues. I felt like I was OK with our status until last night. Today I feel like I did the first day she siad she wanted D. I know I have to snap out of this but what makes it worse is that she actually acts like I have proven everything she has said about me true.
I've tried re-reading posts, even tried to focus my frustration towards what I need to do but it is having no effect. I don't want this D and she knows that, but is obviously using it againt me and it's working. She does know how to manipulate me, even to the extent that she can stand there and say how I am always controlling her, but she is makeing decisions on what we are doing and when we do it. If I disaagree I look like I am trying to control her, if I agree she gets what she wants anyway.
Can you say "no win situation"
What can I/should I do? I have to get back to the top of my game somehow but just can't see the way.
I got my papers today and it's strange that I actually feel better today than I have for several days. I don't know if it is from the great workout I had today at the gym or the relief that I know what I have to do now.
Got some strong looks last night when I got dressed up (for me anyway) to run a regular errand.
Took kids to dinner (didn't invite her, just let her know), looked at bedroom furniture for them(for my new home when we sell) and ice cream. STBXW "needed" to call 3 times in a 3 hr period, even asked me if we were on our way home....I would get hung if I called her at all, much less 3 times
Got home and had some stuff to do and she actually came out and helped!
Got to see my atty yesterday.. filled out papers for counter suit. At this point I still don't have a job so atty said ask for alimony - we can always take it out but very hard to put in. Also asking for primary custody to keep kids in their schools (W has been looking at houses in another school district)
I am supposed to sign them Thursday. I have to say that I am not sure if now if the right time or if I should sign and have atty hold them for a while. W seems to be slipping again, going from calling/texting and even tonight she called to say she was leaving work and would be home soon. She has not done that for 3 weeks! However, she did stop wearing her rings again and was been more withdrawn the last 2 nights once she is at home.
I've been very upbeat, making sure to say good morning, good night, good bye, drive safe etc. Only slipped in one compliment last week, probably won't stand for more than that right now. I just feel like I was feeding her "no emotional support" complaint and I was not happy being so withdrawn since that was another of her complaints. Life in the house SEEMS to be going smoother but that could all be smoke from her thinking she is getting what she wants.
I am confortable with proceeding towards D, in fact I almost look forward to it being over so I can get on with my life. If I had a job it would be even easier. I actually seem to be noticing a little interest from unknown females while out and about, some quite young (compared to me that is) and very pretty.
If anyone could give me a nudge, or even a 2x4, to get me in the right direction I'd really apprieciate it.
I would say listen to your attorney and fight for everything. It is easier to do it up front than try to include it later. You have to protect your interest. Your W is doing that, and you should too. Ask your attorney if it is better to file these papers before your W does. It will put the ball in your court. Also, do not miss any deadlines!
I cannot give anymore advice than to follow through with what you think is best. Do listen to your attorney.
I am in the same boat, and I will not back down in my D proceedings. W filed, and I have to focus on my life after the marriage and my kids first.
Keep positive.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Two events today that I think I handeled pretty well..
Frist we had a friend that is a realtor come over to discuss listing the house. I was nervous since W was out of town last night and I didn't know what to expect when she got home, but she arrived just as our friend pulled in. She was freindly, happy, actually conversing with me in a normal tone. The meeting went well, I showed no emotion, it was just a business deal to me, W however started to tear up when friend started talking about packing stuff up and getting it out of the house to make it look more spacious.
Later in the evening I broke the news to W about my response and counter suit, I told her I didn't want her to just get a call fom her lawyer so I gave her my copy to read. She teared up again before she even started reading it. Then she got mad and tried to start arguments, I backed off saying I would not argue with her about these things, that she should just read it and I would be happy to answer any questions she had. My general response to her was that I had to do what I thought was right for me and the kids. After he finished reading it I left the room calmly and in control. She stayed put for a few minutes then came out. She did not talk to me the rest of the night and decided to go to bed. Actually walked up to S to tell him goodnight and ignored me. Guess I hit a nerve. I did say goodnight and she mumbled something but I could not hear it and did not ask what she said.
I am sad that it has come to this, but it is what she wants, or so she indicated by filing for D.
Thanks to everyone here I was able to walk through these things and stay calm, strong, and confident without being jerk.
You are doing good and staying in control. Not arguing was the best in this instance because you probably knew she would have a negative response to your "Response." My W said nothing. At least you had some emotions from yours.
It is difficult, but she filed for divorce, and you have to respond to that. You were not a jerk and that is good. It would not help matters anyways. This is not going to be easy on your family. There will be a lot of emotions and hurt, but it is better to realized that to do as you did.
You will be okay, but you will be on the rollercoaster, and you will have to understand that you are going to experience ups and downs. It is best if you try to understand that to cope better.
Keep yourself understanding that you are doing what you have to do for you and your kids.
It will help.
Stay strong.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Yes I am certainly on the roller coaster, now I just need to stop over analyzing everything she does. Things she's doing differently now from the last 3 weeks, more like her old self.
I do know that what I am doing will ultimatly be best for me and my kids, and I do want to work out the details with her not that atty, but I know there are some things she won't like. Not my problem really since she wants D.
Hope your day has started off in the right direction.
