He does not want to be away from me. He is worried that I will be lonely. I told him that I will be okay, and he should go and have fun. I have been spending every moment with the kids that I can. I don't know what the hearing's outcome with be. I am scared sh!tless about it. I will be okay. Less than a week.
I did come up with a present for him. I will give him the first tackle box that my Dad bought with own money at 9 years old. I told my dad and he said it was good idea. I repainted it when I was I kid, and it is really nice. Son loves it. I will put a ribbon on it, and I will make him a card by hand. D said she will help me, and it is a good idea to her. She smiled because I am going to give her my old art book I made when I was a kid too. I have been giving them all my things from when I was a kid because I have a lot of stuff I saved over the years, and I have nothing to give them but these old things. I hope they like them. I want them to have them while they still appreciate them.
I am so glad for $1 double burgers and $0.39 tacos too because W has decided I will not eat dinner anymore. It is okay. I will be okay. I am sure that family will not recognize because I have not seen them in over 2 years. I am more bald and grey than I have ever been. Stress will do it to you. I missed the family reunion. Kids and I were disappointed, but I will be okay.
I say that W is shopping for OM's Bday present. I was a little sad because she did not even give me anything for my Bday, but I did not expect anything. My anniversary is this month too, but I will be okay.
I have tough week coming, and I am very scared about it, but I will be okay even if she gets me homeless like she has threatened me with from time to time. I will survive.
I just needed to get everything out of my system to keep healthy, focused, and to remain strong for my sweet kids. They need me to be okay for them.
I guess my marriage is over no matter what because I could never be with W ever again. I just want to know where I stand, and live my life.
I am trying for a long-term temporary position that should give me enough for a small mobile home rental. I could buy the kids their first pet, a kitty cat. They will have that to enjoy and look forward to when they spend time with me. I am so worried about them. I hope they will be okay. I will do my best to be there for them always.
I know it is long, but I just could not stop writing, and I have not been able to write really anything all day.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Oh, D made son a fishing pole because I cannot get him one either when I take him to watch people fish tomorrow. She said she wants him to have fun. We made our own bait, actually D made it for him. She is going to Soak City with a friend, so she wanted to help me and him to enjoy ourself together. I am excited for him. I love my D and S so much. D is so sweet, and S is so kind. I am just sad that I let myself ever get in this position. I will never do it again. I thought I put my family first and made choices with my W. Now I can't put any body first. I need to put myself first, so I can do what I want for them. Then they will be first.
Once I dig out of this hole I am in, I will never let myself get into it again. I need to be selfish to to selfless if that makes sense to anyone.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I am just sad that I let myself ever get in this position. I will never do it again. I thought I put my family first and made choices with my W. Now I can't put any body first. I need to put myself first, so I can do what I want for them. Then they will be first.
Once I dig out of this hole I am in, I will never let myself get into it again. I need to be selfish to to selfless if that makes sense to anyone.
I uderstand exactly how you are feeling. We agreed to this lifestyle (SAHD) with our W but now we pay the price. I sometimes wish I had never stayed home, but then I remind myself that I would not be as close to my kids as I am.
Hang in there LSG, it will get better for us both.
I agree with you about the closeness that I have developed with the kids. That I would never want to give up. That is the one thing that I cannot replace. I cherish every moment of time I have had with them.
You take care of yourself too. The only thing we can change is what we do now.
Stay strong!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I will give him the first tackle box that my Dad bought with own money at 9 years old. I told my dad and he said it was good idea. I repainted it when I was I kid, and it is really nice. Son loves it. I will put a ribbon on it, and I will make him a card by hand. D said she will help me, and it is a good idea to her. She smiled because I am going to give her my old art book I made when I was a kid too.
Your kids will cherish those gifts because they mean something to you. You can't buy a gift like that LSG, they are priceless. Kids can recognise true love.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I will give him the first tackle box that my Dad bought with own money at 9 years old. I told my dad and he said it was good idea. I repainted it when I was I kid, and it is really nice. Son loves it. I will put a ribbon on it, and I will make him a card by hand. D said she will help me, and it is a good idea to her. She smiled because I am going to give her my old art book I made when I was a kid too.
Your kids will cherish those gifts because they mean something to you. You can't buy a gift like that LSG, they are priceless. Kids can recognise true love.
Thanks you so much. I have lost a lot of weight in this whole mess that is my life. I hope for the best at the hearing. Even people that don't know ask if I have lost a lot of weight. The kids call me "old fart." I feel like am an aging president. I have aged a lot I know. I think some good rest and a better diet will do me some good.
I like your story. Made me feel a lot better.
I sure I hope the kids will always know. This will define me as a father to them that they know I never gave up on them and I never will.
I have the fighting Irish in me.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
