Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Another drive home spent stifling sobs and tears aflowing. I was fine until I got there, then I saw H and felt the tears brimming. Thankfully he didn't interact with me, his attention was on DS. DS ratted me out though, called H back to our car to tell him that I tore up H's address, H said it was probably because I had it memorized. (Yeah right!) So DS corrected him, said it was because I didn't want to see him again. I just kept looking straight ahead trying not to cry and H said that some things should be kept between him (DS) and Mommy and this was one of them, then left. I buckled DS in and we left, I silently cried the whole drive home.

[pinhead]

(((Mystik)))

Kids are like the barometer in a family. They just feel what's going on, and don't mind pointing out crap behaviour. Your son sounds like a keeper!

God be with you, Pinhead

[Mystik]

I'm just grateful that DS keeps anything about his father or what happens when he's with his father to himself. Hearing that might be more than I can handle right now. If only DS could point out H's crap behavior in a way that H would recognize it.

[Vulcanized]

(((Mystic)))

sorry you're having a rough patch. no good advice, just hugs and well wishes.

[Mystik]

Thanks, Vulcanized. It sure is a rough patch and has been for quite some time now. I'm almost thinking it's a rough life, not a rough patch in life.

ETA: I miss him constantly, but it always seems to be worse after seeing him than it is when I go a day or two without seeing him.

[Vulcanized]

I hear ya.

H doesn't know where I live cause I refuse to tell him. It drives him ape$hit, which makes me a little tiny bit happy. <evil grin> I was on my way out to do some GAL fun time, and who drives by? He didn't see me, tho. But it did put a damper on fun time.

Came home to my hot as the sun apt and was kinda sad that I live here b/c of H's bad decisions. Not that I don't like my place, but it's not my home.

[newmama]

ETA: I miss him constantly, but it always seems to be worse after seeing him than it is when I go a day or two without seeing him.

Yep. ANOTHER terrible thing about sharing kids with an ex. We don't really go too long without seeing them! I still struggle with this.

Mystik, yes, your life in the present is rough...not just a patch. But you will get through it, day by day, and we ALL go through the ups and downs. Tell us about your GAL as of late. I swear it helps!

[Mystik]

...and was kinda sad that I live here b/c of H's bad decisions. Not that I don't like my place, but it's not my home.

Yes! This apartment isn't home. Home is the house we lived in for almost our entire marriage. Where we brought DS home to when he was born, where we lived as a family for five years.

[Mystik]

Yep. ANOTHER terrible thing about sharing kids with an ex. We don't really go too long without seeing them! I still struggle with this.

Mystik, yes, your life in the present is rough...not just a patch. But you will get through it, day by day, and we ALL go through the ups and downs. Tell us about your GAL as of late. I swear it helps!

Not much GAL going on lately. I know you're supposed to GAL to combat depression, but how do you do that when the depression makes you so listless you have no energy or desire to GAL?

[TimeHeals]

but how do you do that when the depression makes you so listless you have no energy or desire to GAL?
_________________________

I still swear by daily excercise, proper nutrition, sleeping well.

Just do it. Start by taking a long walk every morning, and then advance from there. Sooner or later, you will begin to sleep better, and then your brain chemistry gets better, and then you are happy again.