I'm still only a couple of days into this thing. After confronting her tonight about the sleeping arrangements she wanted to skip the separation and go right for a divorce and a nasty one. Shouldn't I give it a little time and go dark for a while to she if she comes around a little?
Ranger, having been exactly where you are 11 months ago, and doing exactly what you are doing, NO, NO, NO.
What complying did for me thusly:
helped H's EA turn into a PA
has H living in house, while I live in apt
turned H into MAJOR bully
cost me $5,000+ (therapy, moving, new wardrobe due to major weight loss, etc)
H filed D ANYWAY
So you say this: W, I will not live in an open M. I will not tolerate your involvement w/AM. I am committed to this family and our child. If you wish to S/D, then you are free to go. In the interim, I am not going to leave my marital bed, as I am not the one choosing to leave this M. You are welcome to sleep alongside me, or if you feel uncomfortable w/that, you may sleep on the couch. Excuse me, I am tired and retiring for the night. Good night.
Then you go to YOUR bed and sleep in it.
Your W will bully you as much as you allow her to. She knows that she's holding your fear over your head. If she sees she can control you w/it, she will. In every conceivable way.
Appeasing her is only going to make this much, much worse.
If you find the time, read my threads. I did many things wrong in the beginning. Once I found my ball$, that's when the turn around started. Mind you, we are still S, H filed, but he finally RESPECTS me. I don't see his A lasting too much longer; I suspect that H will start changing his tune by winter.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
