YOu could add the positives of the week to encourage him...
"The family hasn't heard any talk of you leaving or anything negative... everyone feels pretty good right now and that's great given our D is goin to to college and that's difficult... thank you for being a great parent and husband for them right now"
Tell him specific things he DID do as well as thanking him for avoiding the negatives...
Just make ita five minute praise session instead... casual put positive
YOu can praise youself too...
"The family has the hosue in order, i finished up the monthly finances and bookeeping, etc"
The only problem I see here is, he DID talk about leaving on Sunday, with the boys. That's when S16 told him he was angry about the Facebook/text issues and S14 found out. SO... that was a negative. There were positives: closing out the FB account, participating in 30 min. talks, going with us to movies/church... leaving cellphone while going to shower. The negatives were the Sunday conversation and his still escaping to XBox a lot as well as when he goes jogging, he doesn't bother to tell anyone. (That's relatively minor though.)
Yes, which is what I'm trying my hardest to educate them on.
I just had to email H a list of expenses for D for college next week, as well as my own (college expenses) and household expenses upcoming.
I'm worried that this is going to totally overwhelm him and put him back in misery mode! I know I can't do anything about it if it does, but I just hate it. However, avoiding the issue does no good either. SO, I just have to deal with whatever bad mood it puts him in.
To add, because of this, I think it may be best to postpone the other discussion - about his week review time being up and such. I don't see any good coming off having that discussion while he is overwhelmed about finances. We didn't have it last night. When I came home, he was headed out to run. I fell asleep, so we didn't even do our 30 minutes last night.
I'm not afraid to have the discussion, but quite frankly, I just want the next week with my family to be as drama free as possible. I want to have some normalcy while I move my only daughter to college. Does postponing that and not bringing it up if H doesn't make me weak??? I don't want to be. I just want what's best for my family.
I am just wondering what message that tells your husband about a meeting you schedule with him about something that important...
I don't know yet, but you have to be mindful of the message you send... Never mind being weak, how does this change how HE will PERCEIVE you in future exchagnes.. that's the important part
WHy not just mention it so he doen'st think you forgot your point but tell him this is not a good time and the family needs to focus on your DD right now so YOU are postponing the conversation...
and end that by thanking him for all his efforts this week..and list them in detail
I think NOT mentioning it makes him think its not important to you... but YOU know him MUCH better than I do... so you need to think about what he takes away from you not saying anything
I am just wondering what message that tells your husband about a meeting you schedule with him about something that important...
I don't know yet, but you have to be mindful of the message you send... Never mind being weak, how does this change how HE will PERCEIVE you in future exchagnes.. that's the important part
WHy not just mention it so he doen'st think you forgot your point but tell him this is not a good time and the family needs to focus on your DD right now so YOU are postponing the conversation...
and end that by thanking him for all his efforts this week..and list them in detail
I think NOT mentioning it makes him think its not important to you... but YOU know him MUCH better than I do... so you need to think about what he takes away from you not saying anything
That's a good point. We didn't really set up a specific time to discuss, it was more of a general, "Can I have a week" thing. So, I didn't (in my mind) feel like, "next Tuesday night...it's on! LOL
You're right though: he needs to know I'm not going to just bring up stuff in the moment and then not follow through.
I will feel things out and handle it with those points in mind, later tonight.
Re the expenses.. WHy do you have to email him the list?
I don't understand why you have to do that...
He asked me to let him know what the costs were going to be next week for D's college/move in expenses. Because we are both now keeping the budget sheets on our laptops, I felt it best to email him that list so he could add it to his worksheet.
I also wanted him to know what was coming due for utilities, insurance payments as well. I didn't have to do that, but showing him I am fiscally on top of things, I wanted to let him know what was due and exactly when. SO, that was my main goal: to let him know I'm on top of things whether he is or isn't! Is that not good?
