Irish and CW, yes........there have been a number of "signs" in my situation. I feel very blessed and thankful. CW, LOVE your messages from God!
Pie, thanks for checking in!
CNS, nice to meet you! I love biking but I don't know much about it. I am eager to learn, so if you have any good tips to pass along, please DO! It is VERY encouraging that you are in counseling with your W. I will post on your thread.
Journaling.............After XH fixed things at my house on saturday, he texted me the following message sunday night: "Thanx again for the (favor you did for me)".....so he was thinking about me at 10pm on sunday night. Funny thing was that when I got the text, I had, moments before, sent him a thank you for fixing stuff at my house: "Hi there! Thank you VERY much for fixing stuff at the house yesterday. It has been SUCH a joy to walk into the laundry room since you fixed the light fixture. You’re brilliant!!!!!!!!!!......and thank you for not only cleaning the eaves, but for also fixing the malfunctioning gutter guards. I really appreciate it.........and I MEAN that! GAG P.S. I practiced my ping pong serves last week. If your knees are up to it would you be interested in hitting some balls sometime?"
Since XH began to reconnect (June) I have begun to write friendlier longer messages. Not sure if this is a good idea, but XH continues to respond.........maybe because I was pretty dim for 4 months after the D.
When I didn't hear from XH on monday I thought perhaps he had ducked back into the tunnel a bit, but then again I have no idea what's going on at work for him these days. Some days are very hectic for him.
This morning I received this e-mail: "Wednesday nite (for PP)? 6pm?" I replied: "Sounds great!.....I'll ask my instructor for some new (PP) tricks tomorrow. ;-) ". 15 minutes later XH replied: "See you then....By the way........I went over to see Mom (2 hours ago)....." and went on to say that his mother had been belligerent with the nurse (first time this happened) and "couldn't remember (having been in the Alzheimers care unit for so long). Mom cried, I cried....nothing we can do..... I told her. She felt very sad and said she wanted to die then. Told her she was in a good place and I would see her later..........I don't know if this is going to be a continuing problem or not".
I replied saying I would go visit his mother tomorrow (day off). XH and I will play PP tomorrow evening. I think that I need to continue being supportive because of this episode with his mother. No opportunities for any indirect R talk,...........but it seems like progress that XH told me that he cried. I only saw him tear up twice when we were going through D.
GAG - I think this is TERRIFIC progress! It appears that your pacing with this is great! I pray I get a chance like this sometime in the future! Congrats!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
GAG - You are doing a great job, you are calm, patient, levelheaded, supportive....I don't think your approach could be any better.....keep doing what you are doing.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
GAG, seems very positive that XH is contacting you and sharing info with you. He probably feels great comfort in talking to you about his Mom since you know the situation but you also show empathy and care.
Thanks ladies! Yes, X-MIL is one of the main threads between XH and me at this point (the other is ping pong). X-MIL did not have a circle of friends. Her 'friends' were the store clerks where she shopped all the time. No one else goes to visit her except XH and me. XH goes 3-6 times/wk I think. I have gone once every 2 weeks since February, once a month before that. I go to visit because that is the tradition within which I was raised. Would go more often if I was an official part of the family.
BTW, pretty sure that XH's BMF only visited once in the last year when XH asked him to visit because he was going out of town to a conference.
I agree with everyone GAG! You are doing fine and your H will give you clues if you need to back off!!!! I am so sorry about his Mother...that must be tough!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW, Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement.
Sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up on others' threads recently. The last couple days have been very busy, but I wanted to quickly journal about what happened today in my little corner of the world.
Today was my day off work. Had my bi-weekly table tennis lesson. Then went to visit X-MIL with my faithful pet cat. Brought X-MIL flowers and gave her a manicure. She was pretty happy. Texted XH photo of his mother drying her fingernails in front of a fan. He texted back 8 minutes later saying "Tell her she looks marvelous!!".
Then........I drove to a local community center to play table tennis with XH. The fun H I was married to showed up to play (Haven't seen the alien for 2 weeks now. YEAH!!!!!!). No tension, just fun, fun, fun! We played for 1 1/2 hours. My game is improving little by little, so XH was surprised when I consistently kept smashing his lobs (I wasn't able to do that last time). We both mixed it up a bit, hitting short and long balls, so it was pretty fun.............then, about 45 minutes into the evening a Chinese couple strolled by the open door to the room where we were playing (in a park community center). The Chinese H looked into the room and smiling broadly, came up to us. He began to gesture saying "ping pong po!". XH asked Chinese H if he wanted to play. Chinese H said "I don't speak English"...Long story short, we ended up taking turns playing both the Chinese H and W and watching the two of them play each other as well. They were quite skilled!!!! XH and I giggled and exchanged knowing glances with one another as we guessed at what the Chinese H and W were saying to one another. It was truly the type of serendipitous, shared experience that bonds people together and builds a common history. It reminded me very much of the kind of experiences H/XH and I shared when we were together.
Afterward, XH and I walked to our cars and chatted about the experience for 5-10 minutes. Then he got a phone call, said he had to take it, got in his car and drove off.
XH and I have made it to the friendship stage and he hasn't seemed depressed for awhile. Wondering if this is ever going to move to the romance stage. Don't know whether I need to push a bit or try to stir the pot. I'm afraid we may end up as only friends, which admittedly is something,........... but my gut tells me there really is the potential for more.
I made an appointment with Jody this Saturday. There has been a substantial change in my interaction with XH since the last time I spoke with her. I'm curious to hear her feedback.
GAG
Last edited by goodattitudegirl; 08/12/1003:32 AM.
You are slowly establishing friendship....it's just at its beginning....you are more like buddies that have good time together....let this friendship deepen...I wouldn't push or try to "stir the pot" at this stage...let it develop on its own....wait for him to start opening up....tell you about his life....start trusting you with his feelings....give it time....That's just my opinion
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
