He came down and said he was going back to our hometown this weekend. Again I asked why and who he was going to see. He said anyone that would be willing to hang out and OW. I said I think if you go and see her this weekend that we should find you alternate living arrangements when you get back (said it calmly, I know I was supposed to say 'it makes me feel....' but I was caught off guard). So his response was 'really? because I was going to tell her things were over and not to contact me, but now I'm not so sure' and he walks away.
I followed him upstairs and said -geez I can't remember exactly what came first - but I did say the things about boundaries and how while he feels this has been only inappropriate for 2 months, I have felt it has for 2.5 years... since he told me if I made him choose between her and I he'd choose her. I said I know you don't think she is the main problem in our marriage but for half of our marriage I have felt second to her. That is a huge issue to me. That affects how I react to you which in turn affects how you react back to me, so yes, this has been an issue for half of our marriage.
He said she aggravates him just as much as I do so there is no difference (I guess this is his rational for telling her no contact). I said there is a huge difference. We have a 14 year history, a marriage, and two children. She is someone you worked with for 4 years and will never live in the same city again.
I asked again what is your intention this weekend? How do you think that makes me feel when you admitted you love someone else and you are going to drive back to see them? Then I asked where he was staying. He said he doesn't know, maybe with her because she has an extra room. I just said what? You really think that is ok? Do you think that it is ok for a married man to go stay in the same home as the woman that he claims he loves and his wife is supposed to be ok with that? You better think hard before you decide to do that, you better really think about that... and then I left the house and went for a drive. I came home and his room is dark - I guess he's trying to sleep.
I know I didn't handle that well or how I wanted. I wanted to say less and be firm, but I am proud of myself for being firm, not emotional, and standing up for myself. I am not sure how my marriage slipped this far in this direction but clearly I have been enabling them to continue contact and that part has ended.
Advice please? I am not sure what to do with myself this weekend. I'm in a new town with one friend (who is 9 years younger than me and has a child the same age as my D2). I'm debating going back home and staying up there (with my family) longer than he is there since he has to be back here for work Monday. But I'm not sure.
I do know thanks to this site and the book I am not a weepy sobbing mess like I normally would have been. I am angry and I want more respect than I am receiving. He needs to make a decision about her soon.
Advice please????
Me 32 H 32 Ds 3.5 and 1.5 M 5 years, T 14 years EA/Bomb: 7/1/10 PA revealed: 9/14/10 Legally separated: 10/01/10
