I admire your resolve..I tried to do NC too. My IC actually told me to text or email him at least once a week just to say hi or that I was thinking of him..to stay connected. I didn't think about healing then..I just was thinking of how to remind him that I was still on this earth. I thought if I raised my hand once in a while and said "it's me..still here", he wouldn't forget about me while he was off banging the OW. I'm still not sure what has worked for me or worked against me..I was shooting off behaviors like firecrackers. I will say, when he's traveling for work, I can breathe easier cuz I don't feel like I have to always be "on". That's gotten better since I let go a little, tho. I am more comfortable when he's around..more like we used to be.

If you think about this logically..and you are logical..I can tell by what you say in your posts..a rational, healthy happy person does not wake up one day and decide that you are the cause of all of his problems. That's just kooky. My H said all those things to me too..and more..some of them were really really hurtful, cutting critisisms. He told me that he never really ever wanted to marry me. So that wonderful day is forever tarnished in my mind now. I'll never think of it the same. He told me the OW was alot like me. Yuck. I know that when someone is doing something that they know is wrong..they will come up with reasons to justify why they are doing it. They will look at all the negative stuff and forget all the positive stuff. Maybe it would help to keep reminding him of all the positive stuff..in a loving way. One of the things our first C did was to tell us to go home and look at old pictures of us together, videos, home movies, cards,letters, etc. We did and it was nice..it didn't pull him out of his fog, but it did help him to remember that I wasn't the awful person he was trying to make himself believe I was. I sent him texts of good memories..and they were long and descriptive. I don't know if he read them all, but he must have read some, cause he commented on them. Remember the time we...and then we laughed so hard..or the time that we...that was such a wonderful moment..etc.

You know in your heart that he is thinking of you. It sounds like he has detached emotionally from you and that's why he's able to act the way he is. The key is to figure out if they can get back that emotional attachment. NC lets them miss you and start thinking about what they're doing. My H told me that when we hadn't talked for a week or so, he started to miss me and wanted to call me or come home. Trouble is, I couldn't let it go long enough for him to get there on his own..I always tried to "help" him miss me. So it actually ended up taking longer than it should have if I would've just left him alone in the first place. It's hard, isn't it?