Sounds like MLC talk for trying to keep you from getting "too far away"
I guess my question is what does Cas05 want? You stated
Originally Posted By: Cas05
I said I thought D was inevitable.
Originally Posted By: -Cas05
I agreed but said that I was talking more about the connection between us.
This is why
Quote:
I did not expect this conversation and I am not sure what to make of it.
we must keep our expectations at zero.
Sounds like MLC talk? If it isn't then don't know what else would? Lance is right on the money with all of this. They want a "CLEAN SLATE" then the guilt can be erased. Doesn't work that way does it? Then if you still want me back, you are nuts but it is your own fault and you can't hold my behavior against me. Can't we put a big sign on their head that flashes "MLC MLC MLC" warning Will Robinson!! That is what hits me when they talk like this. I have heard several variations of this from my W. Her favorite is "Too much has happened" That is code for I can't get beyond this mess so how can you? and I could not do what you are doing but I still don't know WTH I want. So I want to give up because it is too hard and then maybe,after I do some experimentation on my own I will decide to come back. You will still be there won't you? Can't we stay good friends or best friends etc. Just plain whacked.
So Cas05, Just be very careful. The no expectations are an understatement. Just instantly snapping out of this seems rare. They take their time, stop, doubt, smell some roses, mosey along, what was I doing again?
Sorry if I seem a little negative, but I have found that optimism with caution is in order at ALL TIMES.
Lance and Warrior....talking to me about D certainly keeps my expectations in check. They're at zero!!! In the conversation I did ask what he wanted me to do but he avoided my question.
Cas05 Since this is on their time not yours and you can't fix it, the MLC'r has to let the wind take them until they go through all the stages. You have to outlast the MLC if that is what your end goal is. Your end goal may change. Just keep reading. You have been here way longer than me. I am impressed with your patience so far. It looks like the key to this all is to understand it before you decide anything that is something you regret for the future. I keep remembering something I read where the MLC'r comes out of it and asks LBS, "Why didn't you fight for me?" Don't know if you want to end up in that spot/situation. It feels like we are in those Michael Fox movies like Back to the Future. It is as if our spouses are stuck in a time warp and you get to take the time and improve yourself along the way. Then they come back to the future and you are the one they want to chase. Does this make any sense?
Simply trying to understand H and that's about it. There is definitely something different and I am being careful to keep the harmony at this point. It's actually easy because he appears to have lost some of his alien ways and substituted with many mannerisms of H of old. I just need to consider my response to divorce.
Not to be negative here, but living as you're living, don't you feel like you are walking on egg shells all the time. I couldn't take it. I definitely do better when we are dark and he is away at this point. Envy you at the same time, at least your H cares enough that he is still there.
Hey Punkin, I've had 6 months of no contact and years of tension and walking on egg shells. I think we both reached the point where we thought, enough! Now we both seem to be careful with each other's feelings...no egg shells anymore. Been there, done that. I think now it's just consideration, no more.
Today H emailed me a powerpoint which he also sent to the kids. It was a beautiful one about life's gifts. Then he sent another one about some organisational stuff with daughter. Again it started, "Hi Cas." Second time that's happened.
Punkin, it's just interesting. I am trying to have no expectations. That's challenging! I'm impatient.
Now my thought is to say I will do the financial sep but not d. Once d occurs we co-parent and nothing more. I'm sitting on this for a few days before I say anything.
Lance your question was," What do you want?" All I want is the opportunity to see if we can work things out. I don't know why we need divorce for this to occur. Divorce was what I thought of as- my final action to wipe the slate clean, start a new life, new name, H only as a co-parenting partner, no other connection between us. I thought once divorce was done, it meant I too was completely done.
I agreed but said that I was talking more about the connection between us. He said, "Don't do it then."
Doesn't seem like he is talking about divorce based on this statement.
I get the feeling that he is testing you to see where you are at with all of this. From what I was reading on what you posted I was confused whether you wanted a divorce or not. Maybe he is too? Have you told him recently what you just told me?
Hi Lance, we agreed to settle and divorce when our business was sold. This decision was made during our period of n/c. The financial stuff is almost sorted and so the idea was to do the divorce at the same time and get it all over and done with. Divorce came up in conversation b/c we were talking financial. I told H divorce would sever the connection between us except as parents and that's when he said, "Don't do it then." I felt confused so the topic was left hanging there.
I too am thinking he's testing the waters. I had said the connection would be severed between us but I didn't explain why as I did above....probably couldn't articulate it very well at that time.
