Dunno what to think about that really, sometimes it bothers me to have old stuff around. But it seems important to preserve that for my own sake.
That's the thing...it is put away. Not all in one place, but away. I am not tripping over things that remind me of my marriage. But it is still here. And I know it is here.
I wonder, for what purpose am I saving it?
Some of it is too personal for my kids (or probably anybody) to read - high school letters of horny teenagers make up a lot of the correspondence in one box. I think those might be better off burned.
And my dress? I think I would be sick if my D decided she wanted to use even a piece of it - like it holds bad luck. At the same time, I thought it was so beautiful and special that I wanted to put it up on a dress form in my bedroom after the wedding (ex thought that was too weird so I had it preserved). In the memories I have leading up to the wedding, there was a special one when I went shopping with my mom and when she saw me in it, we both knew it was "the one." A special moment with her, when I don't have many to remember.
And what is the underlying reason I would want my ex to take it all?
To force him to see something, again. And of course, it would do no such thing - he could very well take the whole box and simply dump it like he dumped me, without a sideways glance.
It is not with hope, anymore. My dream did not go on to see if he had any regrets. I think I just wanted him to hurt a little for all he threw away. I left out part of the dream - I had kept copies of some of the photos and the video tape for our kids before I bundled everything up to give to him.
And then I woke up, and went back to the realization and mantra: "It doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter."
