You keep going and just hope he doesn't drown.. at least separate you won't go down with him
funny, he said that one of the reasons for d-ing me was because he felt that he was dragging me through his life. as if his life was so active and interesting. he didn't do anything to make our life more active. it was me who got us involved in recreational activities.
i think it was the other way around. there is no way i'm going down with him.
when he throws insults like that, i feel like i'm a mother who's son is throwing a temper tantrum and saying "i don't love you". and i just nod and go ok. and a few hours later, he'll realize that he needs his mom ..
at one point, i just said "call me whatever name you want. throw it on the list with all the other names you've already called me. what's one more?" i think that was like throwing gasoline on a small fire.
ok. maybe he's trying to save face and doing whatever he can to avoid "needing" me. but grow up .. sorry, man up.
i watched kramer vs. kramer a long time ago. but i may want to watch it again. the other four, i've never heard of .. except for high fidelity.
Tuesdays with morrie is ok, but its a bit touchy feely...
Yes it is pouring gasoline on there...
MWD makes it pretty clear... Don't fall into thier behaviour.. they WILL PICK FIGHTS... YOU need to man up and not bark back in anyway...
It IS just like working with a child. you wouldn't yell back at yoru children would you? Seriously?
THe most upsetting thing is having to handle your spouse like a seven year old boy, but that's what he is righ tnow...
You can handle him like he needs handled or you can exit and leave him deal on his own... but barking back is the LAST thing you want to do... if he gets jeuvenile - EXIT the CONO or direct it to a healhty place... if you can't steer the ship, jump out of it before it hits a rock
YOu dont' have to answer everything he says... you don't have to defend yourself
YOu just have to set an adult example and steer clear of his childishness... its hard I know but doable
MWD makes it pretty clear... Don't fall into thier behaviour.. they WILL PICK FIGHTS... YOU need to man up and not bark back in anyway...
i admit, i lost my cool when i said those things. i shouldn't have. but i got so tired of the name-calling, fight-picking, and accusations. i didn't want to be a 'door mat'.
i stopped throwing gasoline shortly after. i found the boards and read the books. i realized i was doing some things right and some things wrong. so i corrected those.
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It IS just like working with a child. you wouldn't yell back at yoru children would you? Seriously?
it was hard for me to see him as a 'child'. this was a 40 yr old man in front of me who insisted that he was independent and did not run to mommy and daddy. there was no way to get through to him .. he wanted to be a big boy and lead the charge on his divorce. go ahead. divide the furniture. sell the house. what else do you want? oh? all the jewellery? and 80% of our assets? any gifts given to me are his. and why are we d-ing again? where is all this anger coming from?
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YOu just have to set an adult example and steer clear of his childishness... its hard I know but doable
yes, very hard. after several months of separation, i can finally talk about it without much anger.
my big test will be when i have to talk to my h about our separation agreement.
if he is still in his child-like state, there is no point in talking to him. but my l wants me to test the waters. extend an olive branch and see if there is a possible chance of reconciliation. if not, then i thank him for his time, walk away, and we just go through the lawyers.
i have yet to be served d-papers but it won't be served until after the separation agreement is complete. sometimes i just want to know why he's holding on to so much anger towards me. is it because i'm not coddling him throughout the d-process? for the love of God. i'm not even mad at him for dropping the d-bomb. it takes so much energy out of you to hold in all that anger. is it really worth it?
YOur husband was NOT RAISED well at all... He's going to be angry... Children get angry when they are stressed, don't get what they want, are afraid, etc...
Anger is a child's default response.. unless they are raised otherwise
YOur husband was NOT RAISED well at all... He's going to be angry... Children get angry when they are stressed, don't get what they want, are afraid, etc...
i know i'm going to offend some ppl here .. but oh for f*k sake. put on your big boy boxers and grow up.
at first, i kept blaming the parents - they were responsible for raising my h. they thought they did a stellar job. and i look at how messed up the daughter is. and there is no way they were raised in a healthy environment.
their reasoning for providing my h with so much financial support is because my h went through school on scholarships. it didn't cost his parents a dime. he was a smart kid. so whatever financial needs he requires now, they are happy to provide whatever support they can. but also .. they don't want to lose their son. that's what loving families do, right? <sarcasm>
but on the other hand, h is also responsible for his own actions. he is a grown man who says he's independent so these are his choices.
is there a way to handle an angry child? we have no kids so i don't have any experience in that area.
You aren't offending anyone... yes he does need to grow up.. but he wasn't raised well so he didn't quite make it.. i think you understand...
You are giving his anger way too much credit.. It's not liekly anything mroe than manifest childishness... Children get angry.. they get angry all the time
You should follow SunnyD's thread.. Her husband has a lot of the same impulse control problems.. and spending issues too...
But he blames Sunny for everything.. He won't take any responsability.. he starts finger pointing at every exchange they have
And how he wants to divorce because he says he can't forgive her... for what? lol
You should follow SunnyD's thread.. Her husband has a lot of the same impulse control problems.. and spending issues too...
But he blames Sunny for everything.. He won't take any responsability.. he starts finger pointing at every exchange they have
And how he wants to divorce because he says he can't forgive her... for what? lol
i actually do follow her thread.
here's another example that made my l roll his eyes. h's parents thought i should pay them back for the wedding expenses they incurred. uh, they paid for their relatives to attend our wedding .. and they want ME to reimburse them? uh, who asked for this d in the first place?? does this make any sense?
hmm yeah, i'll get right on that. NOT.
look man, h asked for a divorce because he claims that i ruined christmas for them. omg. are you serious? there was no fight, no yelling match .. like wtf. he said i made his parents feel unwelcomed. uh .. his mother cried when we would not wash our dishes on the sani-rinse cycle and heat dry. and it was me who was trying to kill everyone because not washing with the sani-rinse cycle meant bacteria was still breeding on the dishes and we'd be eating off those plates at dinner .. we'll all get sick and die .. and and and .. like .. what world are we living in?
yeah, it's me. it's definitely me. i hurt his mom's feelings. and that's why we are d-ing.
there is no way i'm going down with him.